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My mind (with the help of some variables, like August) can’t find stillness. It frantically moves at all times making connections, starting new conversations (while getting intensely attached to finishing all of them), initiating projects, making a point and debating it, engaging in full cycles of speculation, jumping with tired legs between here and there. This makes this sequence of words much less eager to come out, and you’ll be asked to shift from reading something informational, albeit delusively so, to something personal, and making an assessment on whether you’re willing to get a bit closer. It doesn’t matter how close you get, though, because this chemical productivity is only accessible to me, and I can explain it, but you won’t hear the noise if you listen carefully, and you won’t see the chaos if you put a straw in my ear. What explains it is perhaps the metaphors and changes, the moving quality of my speech and my writing, that feels neutral at times but mostly feels very good or very bad. When it’s very good, these series of inferences on movement and stillness can become something interesting to read, or one my philosophical side quests that will turn into something that looks nothing like its premises. In another life, it would have been a perfect drive for an academic career, or it would have made me stick to playing piano. When it’s bad (we’re only referring to feelings here, not moral judgements), I’m confronted with the limits of a body that is better suited for words and for images, or could at least benefit from a more varied diet. A body can’t possibly contain all this back and forth. Yet it does. It can’t decide not to. It has to host these intruders because they are already in, they never knocked to come inside. They are, in a way, older than the house itself. Some things are given and other are chosen. I have the privilege of even questioning what to do with this silly brain, and the answer (a generous average of all months, not just the summer ones) so far has been: I keep it as it is. The good is alive, bright, curious, hungry, amazed. Half my life would not exist if it wasn’t this way, and the other half (when I’m sleeping) would certainly have much quieter dreams. But it’s not an easy choice. The fifth time I pick up my nightstand voice recorder (the fact that I need to give it a name based on location should already tell you there are more) because I have another thought on movement, I can hear my brain laugh at me. And I have to remind myself how funny I find it at times, whereas at this moment it feels like bullying.","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":6376.0,"y":2178.0,"width":388.0,"height":1306.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":6376.0,"y":2178.0,"width":388.0,"height":1306.0},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,811.0],[0.0,1.0,2078.0]],"size":{"x":388.0,"y":1306.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"visible":false,"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":436.0,"sizeFraction":1.0},"top":{"pixelOffset":2078.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"and how something more linear might even come out of them, they are the product of a struggle. \nMy mind (with the help of some variables, like August) can’t find stillness. It frantically moves at all times making connections, starting new conversations (while getting intensely attached to finishing all of them), initiating projects, making a point and debating it, engaging in full cycles of speculation, jumping with tired legs between here and there.\n\nThis makes this sequence of words much less eager to come out, and you’ll be asked to shift from reading something informational, albeit delusively so, to something personal, and making an assessment on whether you’re willing to get a bit closer.\n\nIt doesn’t matter how close you get, though, because this chemical productivity is only accessible to me, and I can explain it, but you won’t hear the noise if you listen carefully, and you won’t see the chaos if you put a straw in my ear.\n\nWhat explains it is perhaps the metaphors and changes, the moving quality of my speech and my writing, that feels neutral at times but mostly feels very good or very bad. When it’s very good, these series of inferences on movement and stillness can become something interesting to read, or one my philosophical side quests that will turn into something that looks nothing like its premises. In another life, it would have been a perfect drive for an academic career, or it would have made me stick to playing piano.\n\nWhen it’s bad (we’re only referring to feelings here, not moral judgements), I’m confronted with the limits of a body that is better suited for words and for images, or could at least benefit from a more varied diet. A body can’t possibly contain all this back and forth. Yet it does. It can’t decide not to. It has to host these intruders because they are already in, they never knocked to come inside. They are, in a way, older than the house itself.\n\nSome things are given and other are chosen. I have the privilege of even questioning what to do with this silly brain, and the answer (a generous average of all months, not just the summer ones) so far has been: I keep it as it is. The good is alive, bright, curious, hungry, amazed. Half my life would not exist if it wasn’t this way, and the other half (when I’m sleeping) would certainly have much quieter dreams.\n\nBut it’s not an easy choice. The fifth time I pick up my nightstand voice recorder (the fact that I need to give it a name based on location should already tell you there are more) because I have another thought on movement, I can hear my brain laugh at me. And I have to remind myself how funny I find it at times, whereas at this moment it feels like bullying.","lineIndentations":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTypes":["NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE"],"listStartOffsets":[],"lineStyleOverrides":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTextDirections":null,"resolvedParagraphValues":{"0":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"1":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"2":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"3":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"4":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"5":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"6":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"7":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"8":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"9":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"10":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"11":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"12":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"13":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0}},"textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","style":{"fontFamily":"DM Sans 18pt","fontPostScriptName":"DMSans18pt-Regular","fontStyle":"Regular","textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","textTruncation":"ENDING","maxLines":59,"fontVariantPosition":"NORMAL","fontSize":15.0,"textAlignHorizontal":"LEFT","textAlignVertical":"TOP","letterSpacing":0.0,"letterSpacingValue":0.0,"letterSpacingUnit":"PERCENT","lineHeightPx":19.5300006866455,"lineHeightPercent":100.0,"lineHeightUnit":"INTRINSIC_%","paragraphSpacing":0,"paragraphIndent":0,"listSpacing":0,"italic":false,"textCase":"ORIGINAL","textDecoration":"NONE","textDecorationSkipInk":false,"textDecorationStyle":"solid","lineHeightPercentFontSize":100},"styleOverrideTable":{}},"3:1894":{"type":"TEXT","id":"3:1894","name":"a window. The important thing was to maintain the straight line and not pay any attention to an obstacle, as if it did not exist.”. Being an artist is this, whatever that means. To decide, one day, to walk in a straight line. Not because straight is better than curved, not because it’ll be easier or funnier to explain, not for any other reason, because there are no reasons to do it. I just do. And after I decide, I start walking, and nothing can stop me. 
I struggle to find better metaphors than this one. When something painful happens, my other self soaks in it. She is not even that scared of dying, to be honest. She flirts with dissolution and destroys with total devotion. She holds on to irrelevant things and doesn’t need me to tell her they are. She knows. Yet, she hears my remarks and reacts disgusted: “Don’t you get it? That’s the point. Full commitment”. The psycho-enthusiast that is writing in English knows how many projections dress up the faces she encounters, and has the banal goal of suffering a bit less. She won’t get there through easy steps or resolutions (she shares a certain subtlety with her counterpart), but she will try to water a plant with her tears, build a shelter for her fears.
She’ll look for syllables that rhyme, words that resonate. She wants to find a story where between here and there, before and after, there’s a difference. Where April does not come back unaltered every year. There’s no desire to heal in the part of me who wrote: “If an atomic bomb exploded, I’d think it was my fault”. I know exactly what she means, and I have to work every day not to kill that part. I know very well, however, that she is also refraining from killing me, because I’m the only thing keeping her from total annihilation, but she’d love to get rid of me at times. We’d live much more straightforward lives if it was just one of us. To be this or to be that. Once again, to be both. Being powerless in the face of dilemmas. Letting them engulf you, and then, when it seems like the day will never end, snap out of it. Find the therapeutic undertone. My poet self writes because she must. And to be fair, this one too. She needs to write, yet she has no goal. She needs to write, otherwise she’ll explode. I need to write, otherwise life won’t look like life anymore. “Everything is gestation and then birthing. To let each impression and each embryo of a feeling come to completion, entirely in itself, in the dark, in the unsayable, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one’s own understanding, and with deep humility and patience to wait for the hour when a new clarity is born: this alone is what it means to live as an artist: in understanding as in 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window. The important thing was to maintain the straight line and not pay any attention to an obstacle, as if it did not exist.”.\n\nBeing an artist is this, whatever that means. To decide, one day, to walk in a straight line. Not because straight is better than curved, not because it’ll be easier or funnier to explain, not \nfor any other reason, because there are no reasons to do it. \nI just do. And after I decide, I start walking, and nothing can stop me. 
I struggle to find better metaphors than this one.\n\nWhen something painful happens, my other self soaks in it. \nShe is not even that scared of dying, to be honest. She flirts with dissolution and destroys with total devotion. She holds on to irrelevant things and doesn’t need me to tell her they are. She knows. Yet, she hears my remarks and reacts disgusted: “Don’t you get it? That’s the point. Full commitment”.\n\nThe psycho-enthusiast that is writing in English knows how many projections dress up the faces she encounters, and has the banal goal of suffering a bit less. She won’t get there through easy steps or resolutions (she shares a certain subtlety with her counterpart), but she will try to water a plant with her tears, build a shelter for her fears.
She’ll look for syllables that rhyme, words that resonate. \nShe wants to find a story where between here and there, before and after, there’s a difference. Where April does not come back unaltered every year.\n\nThere’s no desire to heal in the part of me who wrote:\n“If an atomic bomb exploded, I’d think it was my fault”. I know exactly what she means, and I have to work every day not to kill that part. I know very well, however, that she is also refraining from killing me, because I’m the only thing keeping her from total annihilation, but she’d love to get rid of me \nat times. We’d live much more straightforward lives if it was just one of us.\n\nTo be this or to be that. Once again, to be both. \nBeing powerless in the face of dilemmas. Letting them engulf you, and then, when it seems like the day will never end, snap out of it. Find the therapeutic undertone.\n\nMy poet self writes because she must. And to be fair, this one too. She needs to write, yet she has no goal. \nShe needs to write, otherwise she’ll explode. I need to write, otherwise life won’t look like life anymore.\n\n“Everything is gestation and then birthing. \nTo let each impression and each embryo of a feeling come to completion, entirely in itself, in the dark, in the unsayable, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one’s own understanding, and with deep humility and patience to wait for the hour when a new clarity is born: this alone is what it means to live as \nan artist: in understanding as in creating.”","lineIndentations":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTypes":["NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE"],"listStartOffsets":[],"lineStyleOverrides":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTextDirections":null,"resolvedParagraphValues":{"0":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"1":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"2":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"3":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"4":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"5":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"6":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"7":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"8":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"9":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"10":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"11":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"12":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"13":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"14":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"15":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"16":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"17":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"18":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"19":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"20":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"21":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"22":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"23":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"24":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0}},"textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","style":{"fontFamily":"DM Sans 18pt","fontPostScriptName":"DMSans18pt-Regular","fontStyle":"Regular","textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","textTruncation":"ENDING","maxLines":64,"fontVariantPosition":"NORMAL","fontSize":15.0,"textAlignHorizontal":"LEFT","textAlignVertical":"TOP","letterSpacing":0.0,"letterSpacingValue":0.0,"letterSpacingUnit":"PERCENT","lineHeightPx":19.5300006866455,"lineHeightPercent":100.0,"lineHeightUnit":"INTRINSIC_%","paragraphSpacing":0,"paragraphIndent":0,"listSpacing":0,"italic":false,"textCase":"ORIGINAL","textDecoration":"NONE","textDecorationSkipInk":false,"textDecorationStyle":"solid","lineHeightPercentFontSize":100},"styleOverrideTable":{"1":{"fontFamily":"DM Sans 18pt","fontPostScriptName":"DMSans18pt-Italic","fontStyle":"Italic","italic":true,"textTruncation":"ENDING","paragraphSpacing":0,"paragraphIndent":0,"listSpacing":0,"textCase":"ORIGINAL","textDecoration":"NONE","textDecorationSkipInk":false,"textDecorationStyle":"solid","textAutoResize":"NONE","lineHeightPercent":100,"lineHeightPercentFontSize":100}}},"3:1892":{"type":"TEXT","id":"3:1892","name":"Crocodile’s tears, although no crocodile deserves this definition. Guilt is purely human, it stems from having both a body and a very self-aware brain inside and above that body. Guilt is how we make sure to pursue something we desire but without the responsibility of it, without saying, proudly: “Yes, I did it. I wanted to.”. Nobody can make us feel guilty unless we do. The beauty of this sneaky emotion is that it’s so many things at once. It is also company. Desires have a lot of power: they invigorate us but can make us terribly lonely. Expressing and pursuing them leave us stranded. How embarrassing, how awkward, how intense. HOW DISGUSTINGLY HUMAN. With guilt we make a little space of comfort where we gain back control: it was me, it was my fault, I made a mistake. It’s not that life is incredibly chaotic, it’s not that things happen with reasons I can’t grasp. No no. It’s me. This time I failed but watch me next time. A sort of emotional perfectionism, guilt is also how we live in an eternal yesterday. A day where things hadn’t happened yet and we can still ruminate over and over and over and over and over on how they could have been different. Like in trauma, a way to never process, to never move, to avoid the future. Guilt engulfs any emotion that would allow us to wake up one day older tomorrow. Grief, sadness, anger, fear. It all gets eaten up, never digested. And with it, nothing transforms. Tomorrow, and in ten years, I will still hold no responsibility over my decisions (I feel too bad to even consider something as complex as accountability) but will feel the guilt for all that’s happened in the world beyond my reach. This way I make sure me and reality never meet, because that’s where the scary things happen. Or is it?","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":6377.0,"y":8776.0,"width":437.0,"height":1120.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":6377.0,"y":8776.0,"width":437.0,"height":1120.0},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,812.0],[0.0,1.0,8676.0]],"size":{"x":437.0,"y":1120.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"visible":false,"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":437.0,"sizeFraction":1.0},"top":{"pixelOffset":8676.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"Crocodile’s tears, although no crocodile deserves \nthis definition. \nGuilt is purely human, it stems from having both \na body and a very self-aware brain inside and above that body.\nGuilt is how we make sure to pursue something we desire but without the responsibility of it, without saying, proudly: “Yes, I did it. I wanted to.”. Nobody can make us feel guilty unless we do.\n\nThe beauty of this sneaky emotion is that it’s so many things at once. It is also company. Desires have a lot of power: they invigorate us but can make us terribly lonely. Expressing and pursuing them leave us stranded. How embarrassing, how awkward, how intense. HOW DISGUSTINGLY HUMAN. With guilt we make a little space of comfort where we gain back control: it was me, it was my fault, I made a mistake.\nIt’s not that life is incredibly chaotic, it’s not that things happen with reasons I can’t grasp. No no. It’s me. This time I failed but watch me next time.\n\nA sort of emotional perfectionism, guilt is also how we live in an eternal yesterday. A day where things hadn’t happened yet and we can still ruminate over and over and over and over and over on how they could have been different. Like in trauma, a way to never process, to never move, to avoid the future.\n\nGuilt engulfs any emotion that would allow us to wake up one day older tomorrow. Grief, sadness, anger, fear. It all gets eaten up, never digested.\n\nAnd with it, nothing transforms. Tomorrow, and in ten years, I will still hold no responsibility over my decisions (I feel too bad to even consider something as complex as accountability) but will feel the guilt for all that’s happened in the world beyond my reach. This way I make sure me and reality never meet, because that’s where the scary things happen.\nOr is it?","lineIndentations":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTypes":["NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE"],"listStartOffsets":[],"lineStyleOverrides":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTextDirections":null,"resolvedParagraphValues":{"0":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"1":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"2":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"3":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"4":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"5":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"6":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"7":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"8":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"9":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"10":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"11":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"12":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"13":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"14":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0}},"textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","style":{"fontFamily":"DM Sans 18pt","fontPostScriptName":"DMSans18pt-Regular","fontStyle":"Regular","textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","textTruncation":"ENDING","maxLines":37,"fontVariantPosition":"NORMAL","fontSize":15.0,"textAlignHorizontal":"LEFT","textAlignVertical":"TOP","letterSpacing":0.0,"letterSpacingValue":0.0,"letterSpacingUnit":"PERCENT","lineHeightPx":19.5300006866455,"lineHeightPercent":100.0,"lineHeightUnit":"INTRINSIC_%","paragraphSpacing":0,"paragraphIndent":0,"listSpacing":0,"italic":false,"textCase":"ORIGINAL","textDecoration":"NONE","textDecorationSkipInk":false,"textDecorationStyle":"solid","lineHeightPercentFontSize":100},"styleOverrideTable":{}},"3:1771":{"type":"TEXT","id":"3:1771","name":"THERE IS ONLY MOVEMENT","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5626.0,"y":361.0,"width":255.0,"height":15.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5687.76123046875,"y":363.880004882812,"width":137.65380859375,"height":8.8699951171875},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,61.0],[0.0,1.0,261.0]],"size":{"x":255.0,"y":15.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0},{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0},{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0},{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0},{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"constraints":{"vertical":"TOP","horizontal":"RIGHT"},"constraintValues":{"right":{"pixelOffset":11.3125,"sizeFraction":0.8125},"top":{"pixelOffset":261.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[{"id":{"sessionID":3,"localID":1798},"event":{"interactionType":"ON_CLICK"},"actions":[{"transitionNodeID":{"sessionID":3,"localID":1780},"connectionType":"INTERNAL_NODE","navigationType":"SCROLL_TO"}],"isDeleted":false,"stateManagementVersion":1}],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"THERE IS ONLY MOVEMENT","lineIndentations":[1],"lineTypes":["UNORDERED"],"listStartOffsets":[],"lineStyleOverrides":[0],"lineTextDirections":null,"resolvedParagraphValues":{"0":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0}},"textAlignHorizontal":"CENTER","style":{"fontFamily":"DM Sans","fontPostScriptName":"DMSans-SemiBold","fontStyle":"SemiBold","textCase":"UPPER","fontVariantPosition":"NORMAL","textDecoration":"UNDERLINE","textDecorationSkipInk":true,"fontSize":10.0,"textAlignHorizontal":"CENTER","textAlignVertical":"TOP","letterSpacing":0.0,"letterSpacingValue":0.0,"letterSpacingUnit":"PERCENT","lineHeightPx":13.0200004577637,"lineHeightPercent":100.0,"lineHeightUnit":"INTRINSIC_%","paragraphSpacing":0,"paragraphIndent":0,"listSpacing":0,"italic":false,"textDecorationStyle":"solid","textAutoResize":"NONE","textTruncation":"DISABLED","lineHeightPercentFontSize":100},"styleOverrideTable":{}},"3:1890":{"type":"TEXT","id":"3:1890","name":"I went to Flora earlier this week. Flora is my go-to movie theater. Spring takes a toll on me, because my energy is even higher than usual but my body stays the same. So I use my Cineville pass to go watch anything without much reflection beforehand, hoping the randomness will shake me the right way. I picked Wasteman, and Tom Blyth had some influence on the choice. It’s a prison drama, very well acted and tension dense. Many tattoos, drugs, inaudible English dialogue, and Jamie xx in the soundtrack. When I pick movies, as well as books, I’ll look for some relatability. I am not one who seeks knowledge about other worlds in forms of art. Thankfully though, if I pick a movie randomly, or just based on that nice-to-look-at actor, it can happen that there is not much I can relate to in what I’m watching. I mean, anything can be brought to an abstract level: feeling trapped, being a misfit, class struggle, race, being the cooler friend, having a lot to lose, being exposed. But if we stick to plot and themes, this was a movie that granted me some distance. Yet, I gave it 4 stars on Letterboxd. Yet, I felt my fidgeting and moving on the chair (already limited compared to my everyday life) reduced to the minimum. I had the pervasive experience of entering another reality, however claustrophobic and depressing, and someone else’s body, even if bent by addiction. My body left that room with a big sigh, like something had been released, like my mind had gained space. Since everything nicely comes together in my research paper on life, it fits that yesterday a colleague resuscitated a song from her past, and it was also my past. The song goes like this: “Just a perfect day
problems are left to know.
Weekenders all night long
it’s such fun.
Just a perfect day
you make me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
someone good“ Do yourself a favor: go listen to it, and forget yourself a bit.","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":6377.0,"y":6631.0,"width":437.0,"height":1120.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":6377.0,"y":6631.0,"width":437.0,"height":1120.0},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,812.0],[0.0,1.0,6531.0]],"size":{"x":437.0,"y":1120.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"visible":false,"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":437.0,"sizeFraction":1.0},"top":{"pixelOffset":6531.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1],"characters":"I went to Flora earlier this week. Flora is my go-to movie theater. Spring takes a toll on me, because my energy is even higher than usual but my body stays the same. \nSo I use my Cineville pass to go watch anything without much reflection beforehand, hoping the randomness will shake me the right way. I picked Wasteman, \nand Tom Blyth had some influence on the choice. \nIt’s a prison drama, very well acted and tension dense. Many tattoos, drugs, inaudible English dialogue, and Jamie xx in the soundtrack. When I pick movies, as well as books, I’ll look for some relatability. \nI am not one who seeks knowledge about other worlds in forms of art. Thankfully though, if I pick a movie randomly, or just based on that nice-to-look-at actor, \nit can happen that there is not much I can relate \nto in what I’m watching.\n\nI mean, anything can be brought to an abstract level: feeling trapped, being a misfit, class struggle, race, being the cooler friend, having a lot to lose, being exposed. But if we stick to plot and themes, this was \na movie that granted me some distance. Yet, I gave it \n4 stars on Letterboxd. \nYet, I felt my fidgeting and moving on the chair (already limited compared to my everyday life) reduced \nto the minimum.\n\nI had the pervasive experience of entering another reality, however claustrophobic and depressing, \nand someone else’s body, even if bent by addiction. \nMy body left that room with a big sigh, like something had been released, like my mind had gained space.\n\nSince everything nicely comes together in my research paper on life, it fits that yesterday a colleague resuscitated a song from her past, and it was also \nmy past. The song goes like this:\n\n“Just a perfect day
problems are left to know.
Weekenders all night long
it’s such fun.
Just a perfect day
you make me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
someone good“\n\nDo yourself a favor: go listen to it, and forget yourself \na bit.","lineIndentations":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTypes":["NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE"],"listStartOffsets":[],"lineStyleOverrides":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTextDirections":null,"resolvedParagraphValues":{"0":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"1":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"2":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"3":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"4":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"5":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"6":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"7":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"8":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"9":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"10":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"11":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"12":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"13":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"14":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"15":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"16":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"17":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"18":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"19":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"20":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"21":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"22":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"23":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"24":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0}},"textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","style":{"fontFamily":"DM Sans 18pt","fontPostScriptName":"DMSans18pt-Regular","fontStyle":"Regular","textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","textTruncation":"ENDING","maxLines":49,"fontVariantPosition":"NORMAL","fontSize":15.0,"textAlignHorizontal":"LEFT","textAlignVertical":"TOP","letterSpacing":0.0,"letterSpacingValue":0.0,"letterSpacingUnit":"PERCENT","lineHeightPx":19.5300006866455,"lineHeightPercent":100.0,"lineHeightUnit":"INTRINSIC_%","paragraphSpacing":0,"paragraphIndent":0,"listSpacing":0,"italic":false,"textCase":"ORIGINAL","textDecoration":"NONE","textDecorationSkipInk":false,"textDecorationStyle":"solid","lineHeightPercentFontSize":100},"styleOverrideTable":{"1":{"fontFamily":"DM Sans 18pt","fontPostScriptName":"DMSans18pt-Italic","fontStyle":"Italic","italic":true,"textTruncation":"ENDING","paragraphSpacing":0,"paragraphIndent":0,"listSpacing":0,"textCase":"ORIGINAL","textDecoration":"NONE","textDecorationSkipInk":false,"textDecorationStyle":"solid","textAutoResize":"NONE","lineHeightPercent":100,"lineHeightPercentFontSize":100}}},"3:1922":{"type":"RECTANGLE","id":"3:1922","name":"Risorsa 4 2","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":6093.0,"y":5720.0,"width":368.0,"height":32.0},"targetAspectRatio":{"x":368.0,"y":32.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":6093.0,"y":5720.0,"width":368.0,"height":32.0},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,528.0],[0.0,1.0,5620.0]],"size":{"x":368.0,"y":32.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"IMAGE","scaleMode":"FILL","imageRef":"b2038a00711c5e4c51ca77272233b7a7a7816c6c","originalImageWidth":368,"originalImageHeight":32,"visible":true,"opacity":1.0,"rotation":0.0}],"visible":false,"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":153.0,"sizeFraction":1.0},"top":{"pixelOffset":5620.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"INSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[]},"3:1884":{"type":"TEXT","id":"3:1884","name":"I have been absent from Substack for a while, although I’m never too reliable on how often I write. When I don’t write here, I’m either not writing at all, or I’m writing elsewhere. This other place is practically but also symbolically different: things I write there pretend to be poems. They are often disconnected thoughts with a lot of line breaks. They are always in Italian, there’s a decent amount of cursing, and lowercase is the default. The people writing here and there share the same body, mouth and fingers with which they type (although one mostly uses a keyboard and the other writes by hand or on the phone), but I’m not sure they’d have a lot to talk about if they went on a date. They’d be able to appreciate the presence of some common grounds — how arbitrary things are, how little control we have, how extremely painful and generous life is — but they’d certainly call it a night pretty early, and maybe only kiss to see how that feels. Incompatible mouths. They’d be happy to go home. My poet self doesn’t even read poets, but she lives like one. She would make Rilke proud, not for the quality of her work, but because she lives by what he said: “This above all—ask yourself in the stillest hour of your night: must I write? […] A work of art is good if it has sprung from necessity. […] I know no advice for you save this: to go into yourself and test the deeps in which your life takes rise; at its source you will find the answer to the question whether you must create.“.
He’d be probably more judgmental once he knows she posts them on Instagram. “Letters to a young poet” is a cuddle to mind, heart and body. Rilke‘s insights are a gift to anyone who lives as a human on this earth. For this human right here, the question of how to balance and integrate duality is always present, but changes theme. At this moment, the duality is psychologist vs. poet. 
One writes on Substack, the other on Instagram. 
One expresses herself better in English, the other in her mother tongue. They both believe in the unconscious, but one is a translator, the other is a surrenderer.
One wakes up at 7:00, the other is still awake.
One speaks at a proper volume, the other whispers.
One finds meaning inside the depths of herself and others, the artist decorates these depths as if she’ll never get to escape them. In the book “Psychomagic”, Jodorowsky talks about living like a poet when he was a young man who could have been raised in Russia but instead grew up in Chile: “For example, Lihn and I decided one day to walk in a straight line, without ever wavering. We walked down the avenue, and we came to a tree. Instead of going around it, we climbed up and over it; if a car crossed in our path, we climbed on top, walking on its roof. In front of a house, we rang the doorbell, entered through the door and exited where we could, sometimes through a window. The important thing was to maintain the straight line and not pay any attention to an obstacle, as if it did not exist.”.","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5969.0,"y":4434.0,"width":385.0,"height":1262.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5969.0,"y":4434.0,"width":385.0,"height":1262.0},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,404.0],[0.0,1.0,4334.0]],"size":{"x":385.0,"y":1262.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"visible":false,"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":29.0,"sizeFraction":1.0},"top":{"pixelOffset":4334.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"I have been absent from Substack for a while, although I’m never too reliable on how often I write. When I don’t write here, I’m either not writing at all, or I’m writing elsewhere. This other place is practically but also symbolically different: things I write there pretend \nto be poems. They are often disconnected thoughts with a lot of line breaks. They are always in Italian, there’s a decent amount of cursing, and lowercase is the default. The people writing here and there share the same body, mouth and fingers with which they type (although one mostly uses a keyboard \nand the other writes by hand or on the phone), \nbut I’m not sure they’d have a lot to talk about if they went on a date.\n\nThey’d be able to appreciate the presence of some common grounds — how arbitrary things are, how little control we have, how extremely painful and generous life is — but they’d certainly call it a night pretty early, and maybe only kiss to see how that feels. Incompatible mouths. They’d be happy to go home.\n\nMy poet self doesn’t even read poets, but she lives like one. She would make Rilke proud, not for the quality \nof her work, but because she lives by what he said: “This above all—ask yourself in the stillest hour of your night: must I write? […] A work of art is good if it has sprung from necessity. […] I know no advice for you save this: to go into yourself and test the deeps \nin which your life takes rise; at its source you will find the answer to the question whether you must create.“.
He’d be probably more judgmental once he knows she posts them on Instagram.\n\n“Letters to a young poet” is a cuddle to mind, heart \nand body. Rilke‘s insights are a gift to anyone who lives as a human on this earth. For this human right here, \nthe question of how to balance and integrate duality \nis always present, but changes theme. At this moment, the duality is psychologist vs. poet. 
One writes on Substack, the other on Instagram. 
One expresses herself better in English, the other in her mother tongue. They both believe in the unconscious, but one is a translator, the other is a surrenderer.
One wakes up at 7:00, the other is still awake.
One speaks at a proper volume, the other whispers.
One finds meaning inside the depths of herself \nand others, the artist decorates these depths as if she’ll never get to escape them.\n\nIn the book “Psychomagic”, Jodorowsky talks about living like a poet when he was a young man who could have been raised in Russia but instead grew up in Chile: “For example, Lihn and I decided one day to walk in a straight line, without ever wavering. We walked down the avenue, and we came to a tree. Instead of going around it, we climbed up and over it; if a car crossed \nin our path, we climbed on top, walking on its roof. \nIn front of a house, we rang the doorbell, entered through the door and exited where we could, sometimes through a window. The important thing was to maintain the straight line and not pay any attention to an obstacle, as if it did not exist.”.","lineIndentations":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTypes":["NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE"],"listStartOffsets":[],"lineStyleOverrides":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTextDirections":null,"resolvedParagraphValues":{"0":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"1":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"2":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"3":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"4":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"5":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"6":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"7":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"8":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"9":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"10":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"11":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"12":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"13":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"14":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"15":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"16":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"17":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"18":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"19":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0}},"textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","style":{"fontFamily":"DM Sans 18pt","fontPostScriptName":"DMSans18pt-Regular","fontStyle":"Regular","textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","textTruncation":"ENDING","maxLines":63,"fontVariantPosition":"NORMAL","fontSize":15.0,"textAlignHorizontal":"LEFT","textAlignVertical":"TOP","letterSpacing":0.0,"letterSpacingValue":0.0,"letterSpacingUnit":"PERCENT","lineHeightPx":19.5300006866455,"lineHeightPercent":100.0,"lineHeightUnit":"INTRINSIC_%","paragraphSpacing":0,"paragraphIndent":0,"listSpacing":0,"italic":false,"textCase":"ORIGINAL","textDecoration":"NONE","textDecorationSkipInk":false,"textDecorationStyle":"solid","lineHeightPercentFontSize":100},"styleOverrideTable":{}},"3:1878":{"type":"RECTANGLE","id":"3:1878","name":"blog 2","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5905.0000487864,"y":341.0,"width":139.17713996768,"height":139.17713996768},"targetAspectRatio":{"x":400.0,"y":400.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5905.0000487864,"y":341.0,"width":139.17713996768,"height":139.17713996768},"relativeTransform":[[0.988304793834686,-0.152491435408592,358.60400390625],[0.152491435408592,0.988304793834686,241.0]],"size":{"x":122.0,"y":122.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"IMAGE","scaleMode":"FILL","imageRef":"a1b73af275d88032e4d52d63fa417f9a4e11adec","originalImageWidth":400,"originalImageHeight":400,"visible":true,"opacity":1.0,"rotation":0.0}],"visible":false,"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":11.8750487864017,"sizeFraction":0.875},"top":{"pixelOffset":241.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"INSIDE","strokes":[],"boundKeyframes":{"rotation":{"type":"EXPRESSION","expressionFunction":"KEYFRAME","expressionArguments":[{"type":"FLOAT","value":0.0},{"type":"KEYFRAME_TRACK_PARAMETER_DATA","value":{"parameters":[{"type":"MANUAL_KEYFRAME_TRACK_PARAMETER","keyframeTrack":"3:1872"}]}}]}},"timelineDuration":2.0,"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[]},"3:1893":{"type":"TEXT","id":"3:1893","name":"Crocodile’s tears, although no crocodile deserves this definition. Guilt is purely human, it stems from having both a body and a very self-aware brain inside and above that body. Guilt is how we make sure to pursue something we desire but without the responsibility of it, without saying, proudly: “Yes, I did it. I wanted to.”. Nobody can make us feel guilty unless we do. The beauty of this sneaky emotion is that it’s so many things at once. It is also company. Desires have a lot of power: they invigorate us but can make us terribly lonely. Expressing and pursuing them leave us stranded. How embarrassing, how awkward, how intense. HOW DISGUSTINGLY HUMAN. With guilt we make a little space of comfort where we gain back control: it was me, it was my fault, I made a mistake. It’s not that life is incredibly chaotic, it’s not that things happen with reasons I can’t grasp. No no. It’s me. This time I failed but watch me next time. A sort of emotional perfectionism, guilt is also how we live in an eternal yesterday. A day where things hadn’t happened yet and we can still ruminate over and over and over and over and over on how they could have been different. Like in trauma, a way to never process, to never move, to avoid the future. Guilt engulfs any emotion that would allow us to wake up one day older tomorrow. Grief, sadness, anger, fear. It all gets eaten up, never digested. And with it, nothing transforms. Tomorrow, and in ten years, I will still hold no responsibility over my decisions (I feel too bad to even consider something as complex as accountability) but will feel the guilt for all that’s happened in the world beyond my reach. This way I make sure me and reality never meet, because that’s where the scary things happen. Or is it?","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5047.0,"y":8835.0,"width":373.0,"height":1540.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5047.2998046875,"y":8839.1552734375,"width":371.67724609375,"height":811.0244140625},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,826.0],[0.0,1.0,8735.0]],"size":{"x":373.0,"y":1540.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"constraints":{"vertical":"BOTTOM","horizontal":"RIGHT"},"constraintValues":{"right":{"pixelOffset":-1.0,"sizeFraction":0.9375},"bottom":{"pixelOffset":378.0,"sizeFraction":1.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"Crocodile’s tears, although no crocodile deserves \nthis definition. \nGuilt is purely human, it stems from having both \na body and a very self-aware brain inside and above that body.\nGuilt is how we make sure to pursue something we desire but without the responsibility of it, without saying, proudly: “Yes, I did it. I wanted to.”. Nobody can make us feel guilty unless we do.\n\nThe beauty of this sneaky emotion is that it’s so many things at once. It is also company. Desires have a lot of power: they invigorate us but can make us terribly lonely. Expressing and pursuing them leave us stranded. How embarrassing, how awkward, how intense. HOW DISGUSTINGLY HUMAN. With guilt we make a little space of comfort where we gain back control: it was me, it was my fault, I made a mistake.\nIt’s not that life is incredibly chaotic, it’s not that things happen with reasons I can’t grasp. No no. It’s me. This time I failed but watch me next time.\n\nA sort of emotional perfectionism, guilt is also how we live in an eternal yesterday. A day where things hadn’t happened yet and we can still ruminate over and over and over and over and over on how they could have been different. Like in trauma, a way to never process, to never move, to avoid the future.\n\nGuilt engulfs any emotion that would allow us to wake up one day older tomorrow. Grief, sadness, anger, fear. It all gets eaten up, never digested.\n\nAnd with it, nothing transforms. Tomorrow, and in ten years, I will still hold no responsibility over my decisions (I feel too bad to even consider something as complex as accountability) but will feel the guilt for all that’s happened in the world beyond my reach. This way I make sure me and reality never meet, because that’s where the scary things happen.\nOr is it?","lineIndentations":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTypes":["NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE"],"listStartOffsets":[],"lineStyleOverrides":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTextDirections":null,"resolvedParagraphValues":{"0":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"1":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"2":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"3":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"4":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"5":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"6":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"7":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"8":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"9":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"10":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"11":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"12":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"13":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"14":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0}},"textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","style":{"fontFamily":"DM Sans 18pt","fontPostScriptName":"DMSans18pt-Regular","fontStyle":"Regular","textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","textTruncation":"ENDING","maxLines":41,"fontVariantPosition":"NORMAL","fontSize":15.0,"textAlignHorizontal":"LEFT","textAlignVertical":"TOP","letterSpacing":0.0,"letterSpacingValue":0.0,"letterSpacingUnit":"PERCENT","lineHeightPx":19.5300006866455,"lineHeightPercent":100.0,"lineHeightUnit":"INTRINSIC_%","paragraphSpacing":0,"paragraphIndent":0,"listSpacing":0,"italic":false,"textCase":"ORIGINAL","textDecoration":"NONE","textDecorationSkipInk":false,"textDecorationStyle":"solid","lineHeightPercentFontSize":100},"styleOverrideTable":{}},"3:1870":{"type":"GROUP","id":"3:1870","name":"Group 3","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5572.0,"y":1913.0,"width":367.0,"height":3586.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5572.0,"y":1913.0,"width":367.0,"height":3586.0},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,7.0],[0.0,1.0,1813.0]],"size":{"x":367.0,"y":3586.0},"fills":[],"constraints":{"vertical":"BOTTOM","horizontal":"LEFT"},"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":-16.4375,"sizeFraction":0.0625},"bottom":{"pixelOffset":-93.0,"sizeFraction":1.0}},"strokeAlign":"INSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"children":["3:1773","3:1774","3:1775","3:1777","3:1778","3:1779","3:1781","3:1782","3:1783","3:1785","3:1786","3:1787","3:1791","3:1792"]},"3:1783":{"type":"TEXT","id":"3:1783","name":"guilt, keep me company","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5594.0,"y":4733.0,"width":120.0,"height":13.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5594.490234375,"y":4732.919921875,"width":101.4150390625,"height":10.35986328125},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,22.0],[0.0,1.0,2820.0]],"size":{"x":120.0,"y":13.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"constraints":{"vertical":"BOTTOM","horizontal":"LEFT"},"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":-17.875,"sizeFraction":0.125},"bottom":{"pixelOffset":-846.0,"sizeFraction":1.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"guilt, keep me company","lineIndentations":[0],"lineTypes":["NONE"],"listStartOffsets":[],"lineStyleOverrides":[0],"lineTextDirections":null,"resolvedParagraphValues":{"0":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0}},"style":{"fontFamily":"Maroni","fontPostScriptName":"Maroni-Condensed","fontStyle":"Condensed","textCase":"UPPER","fontVariantPosition":"NORMAL","fontSize":14.0,"textAlignHorizontal":"LEFT","textAlignVertical":"TOP","letterSpacing":0.0,"letterSpacingValue":0.0,"letterSpacingUnit":"PERCENT","lineHeightPx":12.5999994277954,"lineHeightPercent":100.0,"lineHeightUnit":"INTRINSIC_%","paragraphSpacing":0,"paragraphIndent":0,"listSpacing":0,"italic":false,"textDecoration":"NONE","textDecorationSkipInk":false,"textDecorationStyle":"solid","textAutoResize":"NONE","textTruncation":"DISABLED","lineHeightPercentFontSize":100},"styleOverrideTable":{}},"3:1779":{"type":"TEXT","id":"3:1779","name":"Crocodile’s tears, although no crocodile deserves this definition. Guilt is purely human, it stems from having both a body and a very self-aware brain inside and above that body. Guilt is how we make sure to pursue something we desire but without the responsibility of it, without saying, proudly: “Yes, I did it. I wanted to”. Nobody can make us feel guilty unless we do. The beauty of this sneaky emotion is that it’s so many things at once. It is also company. Desires have a lot of power: they invigorate us but can make us terribly lonely. Expressing and pursuing them leave us stranded. How embarrassing, how awkward, how intense. HOW DISGUSTINGLY HUMAN. With guilt we make a little space of comfort where we gain back control: it was me, it was my fault, I made a mistake. It’s not that life is incredibly chaotic, it’s not that things happen with reasons I can’t grasp. No no. It’s me. This time I failed but watch me next time. A sort of emotional perfectionism, guilt is also how we live in an eternal yesterday. A day where things hadn’t happened yet and we can still ruminate over and over and over and over and over on how they could have been different. Like in trauma, a way to never process, to never move, to avoid the future. Guilt engulfs any emotion that would allow us to wake up one day older tomorrow. Grief, sadness, anger, fear. It all gets eaten up, never digested. And with it, nothing transforms. Tomorrow, and in ten years, I will still hold no responsibility over my decisions (I feel too bad to even consider something as complex as accountability) but will feel the guilt for all that’s happened in the world beyond my reach. This way I make sure me and reality never meet, because that’s where the scary things happen. Or is it?","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5768.0,"y":4753.0,"width":162.0,"height":746.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5768.18017578125,"y":4755.4931640625,"width":161.201171875,"height":678.61474609375},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,196.0],[0.0,1.0,2840.0]],"size":{"x":162.0,"y":746.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"constraints":{"vertical":"BOTTOM","horizontal":"RIGHT"},"constraintValues":{"right":{"pixelOffset":13.4375,"sizeFraction":0.9375},"bottom":{"pixelOffset":-93.0,"sizeFraction":1.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"Crocodile’s tears, although no crocodile deserves this definition. Guilt is purely human, it stems from having both a body and a very self-aware brain inside and above \nthat body.\n\nGuilt is how we make sure to pursue something we desire but without \nthe responsibility of it, without saying, proudly: “Yes, I did it. I wanted to”. Nobody can make us feel guilty unless we do.\n\nThe beauty of this sneaky emotion is that it’s so many things at once. \nIt is also company. Desires have a lot of power: they invigorate us but can make us terribly lonely. Expressing \nand pursuing them leave us stranded. How embarrassing, how awkward, how intense. HOW DISGUSTINGLY HUMAN. With guilt we make a little space \nof comfort where we gain back control: it was me, it was my fault, \nI made a mistake. It’s not that life is incredibly chaotic, it’s not that things happen with reasons I can’t grasp. \nNo no. It’s me. This time I failed \nbut watch me next time.\n\nA sort of emotional perfectionism, \nguilt is also how we live in an eternal yesterday. A day where things hadn’t happened yet and we can still ruminate over and over and over \nand over and over on how they could have been different. \nLike in trauma, a way to never process, to never move, to avoid the future.\n\nGuilt engulfs any emotion that would allow us to wake up one day older tomorrow. Grief, sadness, anger, fear. \nIt all gets eaten up, never digested.\n\nAnd with it, nothing transforms. Tomorrow, and in ten years, \nI will still hold no responsibility over \nmy decisions (I feel too bad to even consider something as complex \nas accountability) but will feel the guilt for all that’s happened in the world beyond my reach. This way I make sure me and reality never meet, because that’s where the scary things happen.\nOr is it?","lineIndentations":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTypes":["NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE"],"listStartOffsets":[],"lineStyleOverrides":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTextDirections":null,"resolvedParagraphValues":{"0":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"1":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"2":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"3":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"4":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"5":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"6":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"7":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"8":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"9":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"10":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"11":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"12":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"13":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"14":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"15":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"16":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"17":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"18":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"19":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"20":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"21":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"22":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"23":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"24":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"25":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"26":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0}},"textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","style":{"fontFamily":"DM Sans 18pt","fontPostScriptName":"DMSans18pt-Regular","fontStyle":"Regular","textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","textTruncation":"ENDING","maxLines":57,"fontVariantPosition":"NORMAL","fontSize":9.0,"textAlignHorizontal":"LEFT","textAlignVertical":"TOP","letterSpacing":0.0,"letterSpacingValue":0.0,"letterSpacingUnit":"PERCENT","lineHeightPx":11.7180004119873,"lineHeightPercent":100.0,"lineHeightUnit":"INTRINSIC_%","paragraphSpacing":0,"paragraphIndent":0,"listSpacing":0,"italic":false,"textCase":"ORIGINAL","textDecoration":"NONE","textDecorationSkipInk":false,"textDecorationStyle":"solid","lineHeightPercentFontSize":100},"styleOverrideTable":{}},"3:1791":{"type":"RECTANGLE","id":"3:1791","name":"Risorsa 4 2","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5697.0,"y":3253.0,"width":115.0,"height":10.0},"targetAspectRatio":{"x":368.0,"y":32.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5697.0,"y":3253.0,"width":115.0,"height":10.0},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,125.0],[0.0,1.0,1340.0]],"size":{"x":115.0,"y":10.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"IMAGE","scaleMode":"FILL","imageRef":"b2038a00711c5e4c51ca77272233b7a7a7816c6c","originalImageWidth":368,"originalImageHeight":32,"visible":true,"opacity":1.0,"rotation":0.0}],"constraints":{"vertical":"BOTTOM","horizontal":"LEFT"},"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":-8.625,"sizeFraction":0.375},"bottom":{"pixelOffset":-2329.0,"sizeFraction":1.0}},"strokeAlign":"INSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[]},"3:1774":{"type":"TEXT","id":"3:1774","name":"I have browsed amongst the books on my bookshelf to select one I had not read yet, and ended up picking one that sat there for years: Lolita by Nabokov. I had watched the movie when I was a kid, and after scrolling through other, more tempting titles, I decided this was appropriate for the moment. Before you report me to the authorities, let me say it’s just because of the mood of the book. I was surprised to notice how different I felt towards the movie, so after reading a bit I googled the 1997 film and noticed that the actress was seventeen at the time, not twelve like in the written version. It’s quite the statement to make a movie about a man who abuses a child by choosing a girl who’s about to enter adulthood, who wears lipstick and looks like a woman — admittedly, still a minor, but very different from a preadolescent child. In Kubrick’s version the girl sucks a lollipop and wears heart sunglasses in the cover. I find both very interesting choices. It’s no mystery movies do this, and you have not really lived if you haven’t heard someone tell you at least once how “the book is actually better”. If you haven’t, you’re probably the one who tells others. Stop. Movies and books are quite different means of artistic expression, and whoever tries to simplify the matter probably just likes to be part of a team — or is someone who has certainties, ew. I was asked years ago what form of art is my favorite one and I’m still trying to find the right answer. How am I supposed to choose between literature, cinema and music? I need them at very different times and in very different ways, but my life would be equally empty without either one. What I can choose is something for each moment: in Lolita, I can place myself inside that “I” and feel empathy, disgust, discomfort. Reading a book lets my imagination project and receive, and I’m suddenly part of those pages. It’s a meditation, to sit in silence with a book in your hands, read one word after the other. You are so much in you that ‘you’ drifts away and leaves space for the everything. Written psilocybine. If we expect the same from movies, the most overstimulating form of art, we are clearly misguided. A movie tells you what, who, how, when, why. Within those confines there’s still so much to interpret and imagine, especially if you’re into","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5594.0,"y":3542.0,"width":158.0,"height":882.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5594.18896484375,"y":3544.52001953125,"width":155.41552734375,"height":872.56787109375},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,22.0],[0.0,1.0,1629.0]],"size":{"x":158.0,"y":882.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"constraints":{"vertical":"BOTTOM","horizontal":"LEFT"},"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":-17.875,"sizeFraction":0.125},"bottom":{"pixelOffset":-1168.0,"sizeFraction":1.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"I have browsed amongst the books \non my bookshelf to select one I had not read yet, and ended up picking one that sat there for years: Lolita \nby Nabokov. I had watched the movie when I was a kid, and after scrolling through other, more tempting titles, \nI decided this was appropriate for \nthe moment. Before you report me \nto the authorities, let me say it’s just because of the mood of the book.\n\nI was surprised to notice how different I felt towards the movie, so after reading a bit I googled the 1997 film and noticed that the actress was seventeen at the time, not twelve like \nin the written version. \nIt’s quite the statement to make \na movie about a man who abuses \na child by choosing a girl who’s about to enter adulthood, who wears lipstick and looks like a woman — admittedly, still a minor, but very different from a preadolescent child. In Kubrick’s version the girl sucks \na lollipop and wears heart sunglasses in the cover. \nI find both very interesting choices.\n\nIt’s no mystery movies do this, \nand you have not really lived if you haven’t heard someone tell you \nat least once how “the book is actually better”. If you haven’t, you’re probably the one who tells others. Stop.\n\nMovies and books are quite different means of artistic expression, \nand whoever tries to simplify \nthe matter probably just likes to be part of a team — or is someone who has certainties, ew. I was asked years ago what form of art is my favorite one and I’m still trying to find \nthe right answer. How am I supposed to choose between literature, cinema \nand music? I need them at very different times and in very different ways, but my life would be equally empty without either one. What I can choose is something for each moment: in Lolita, I can place myself inside that “I” and feel empathy, disgust, discomfort. \nReading a book lets my imagination project and receive, and I’m suddenly part of those pages. \nIt’s a meditation, to sit in silence \nwith a book in your hands, read one word after the other. You are so much in you that ‘you’ drifts away and leaves space for the everything. \nWritten psilocybine.\n\nIf we expect the same from movies, the most overstimulating form of art, we are clearly misguided. \nA movie tells you what, who, how, when, why. Within those confines there’s still so much to interpret \nand imagine, especially if you’re into \n","lineIndentations":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTypes":["NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE","NONE"],"listStartOffsets":[],"lineStyleOverrides":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0],"lineTextDirections":null,"resolvedParagraphValues":{"0":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"1":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"2":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"3":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"4":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"5":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"6":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"7":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"8":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"9":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"10":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"11":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"12":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"13":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"14":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"15":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"16":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"17":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"18":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"19":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"20":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"21":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"22":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"23":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"24":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"25":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"26":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"27":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"28":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"29":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"30":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"31":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0},"32":{"listSpacing":0.0,"paragraphIndent":0.0,"paragraphSpacing":0.0}},"textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","style":{"fontFamily":"DM Sans 18pt","fontPostScriptName":"DMSans18pt-Regular","fontStyle":"Regular","textAutoResize":"TRUNCATE","textTruncation":"ENDING","maxLines":73,"fontVariantPosition":"NORMAL","fontSize":9.0,"textAlignHorizontal":"LEFT","textAlignVertical":"TOP","letterSpacing":0.0,"letterSpacingValue":0.0,"letterSpacingUnit":"PERCENT","lineHeightPx":11.7180004119873,"lineHeightPercent":100.0,"lineHeightUnit":"INTRINSIC_%","paragraphSpacing":0,"paragraphIndent":0,"listSpacing":0,"italic":false,"textCase":"ORIGINAL","textDecoration":"NONE","textDecorationSkipInk":false,"textDecorationStyle":"solid","lineHeightPercentFontSize":100},"styleOverrideTable":{}},"3:1773":{"type":"TEXT","id":"3:1773","name":"I have been absent from Substack for a while, although I’m never too reliable on how often I write. When I don’t write here, I’m either not writing at all, or I’m writing elsewhere. This other place is practically but also symbolically different: things I write there pretend to be poems. They are often disconnected thoughts with a lot of line breaks. They are always in Italian, there’s a decent amount of cursing, and lowercase is the default. The people writing here and there share the same body, mouth and fingers with which they type (although one mostly uses a keyboard and the other writes by hand or on the phone), but I’m not sure they’d have a lot to talk about if they went on a date. They’d be able to appreciate the presence of some common grounds — how arbitrary things are, how little control we have, how extremely painful and generous life is — but they’d certainly call it a night pretty early, and maybe only kiss to see how that feels. Incompatible mouths. They’d be happy to go home. My poet self doesn’t even read poets, but she lives like one. She would make Rilke proud, not for the quality of her work, but because she lives by what he said: “This above all—ask yourself in the stillest hour of your night:  must I write? […] A work of art is good if it has sprung from necessity. […] I know no advice for you save this: to go into yourself and test the deeps in which your life takes rise; at its source you will find the answer to the question whether you must create“.
He’d be probably more judgmental once he knows she posts them on Instagram. “Letters to a young poet” is a cuddle to mind, heart and body. Rilke‘s insights are a gift to anyone who lives as a human on this earth. For this human right here, the question of how to balance and integrate duality is always present, but changes theme. At this moment, the duality is psychologist vs. poet. 
One writes on Substack, the other on Instagram. One expresses herself better in English, the other in her mother tongue.
They both believe in the unconscious, but one is a translator, the other is a surrenderer.
One wakes up at 7:00, the other is still awake. One speaks at a proper volume, the other whispers.
One finds meaning inside the depths of herself and others, the artist decorates these depths as if she’ll never get to escape them. In the book “Psychomagic”, Jodorowsky talks about living like a poet when he was a young man who could have been raised in Russia but instead grew up in Chile: “For example, Lihn and I decided one day to walk in a straight line, without ever wavering. We walked down the avenue, and we came to a tree. Instead of going around it, we climbed up and over it; if a car crossed in our path, we climbed on top, walking on its roof. In front of a house, we rang the doorbell, entered through the door and exited","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5594.0,"y":2160.0,"width":158.0,"height":1055.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5594.18017578125,"y":2162.52001953125,"width":157.37841796875,"height":1052.56787109375},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,22.0],[0.0,1.0,247.0]],"size":{"x":158.0,"y":1055.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"constraints":{"vertical":"BOTTOM","horizontal":"LEFT"},"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":-17.875,"sizeFraction":0.125},"bottom":{"pixelOffset":-2377.0,"sizeFraction":1.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"I have been absent from Substack \nfor a while, although I’m never too reliable on how often I write. When \nI don’t write here, I’m either not writing at all, or I’m writing elsewhere. This other place is practically but also symbolically different: things I write there pretend to be poems. They are often disconnected thoughts with \na lot of line breaks. They are always \nin Italian, there’s a decent amount of cursing, and lowercase is the default. The people writing here and there share the same body, mouth \nand fingers with which they type (although one mostly uses a keyboard and the other writes by hand or on the phone), but I’m not sure they’d have a lot to talk about if they went on a date.\n\nThey’d be able to appreciate \nthe presence of some common grounds — how arbitrary things are, how little control we have, how extremely painful and generous life is — but they’d certainly call it a night pretty early, and maybe only kiss \nto see how that feels. Incompatible mouths. They’d be happy to go home.\n\nMy poet self doesn’t even read poets, but she lives like one. She would make Rilke proud, not for the quality of her work, but because she lives by what he said: “This above all—ask yourself in the stillest hour of your night: \nmust I write? […] \nA work of art is good if it has sprung from necessity. […] I know no advice for you save this: to go into yourself and test the deeps in which your life takes rise; at its source you will find the answer to the question whether you must create“.
He’d be probably more judgmental once he knows she posts them \non Instagram.\n\n“Letters to a young poet” is a cuddle to mind, heart and body. Rilke‘s insights are a gift to anyone who lives as a human on this earth. For this human right here, the question of how \nto balance and integrate duality is always present, but changes theme. At this moment, the duality is psychologist vs. poet. 
One writes on Substack, the other \non Instagram. One expresses herself better in English, the other in her mother tongue.
They both believe in the unconscious, but one is a translator, the other is \na surrenderer.
One wakes up at 7:00, the other is still awake. One speaks at a proper volume, the other whispers.
One finds meaning inside the depths of herself and others, the artist decorates these depths as if she’ll never get to escape them.\n\nIn the book “Psychomagic”, Jodorowsky talks about living like \na poet when he was a young man who could have been raised in Russia \nbut instead grew up in Chile: \n“For example, Lihn and I decided one day to walk in a straight line, without ever wavering. We walked down \nthe avenue, and we came to a tree. Instead of going around it, we climbed up and over it; if a car crossed in our path, we climbed \non top, walking on its roof. 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I had watched the movie when I was a kid, and after scrolling through other, more tempting titles, I decided this was appropriate for the moment. Before you report me to the authorities, let me say it’s just because of the mood of the book. I was surprised to notice how different I felt towards the movie, so after reading a bit I googled the 1997 film and noticed that the actress was seventeen at the time, not twelve like in the written version. It’s quite the statement to make a movie about a man who abuses a child by choosing a girl who’s about to enter adulthood, who wears lipstick and looks like a woman — admittedly, still a minor, but very different from a preadolescent child. In Kubrick’s version the girl sucks a lollipop and wears heart sunglasses in the cover. I find both very interesting choices. It’s no mystery movies do this, and you have not really lived if you haven’t heard someone tell you at least once how “the book is actually better”. If you haven’t, you’re probably the one who tells others. Stop. Movies and books are quite different means of artistic expression, and whoever tries to simplify the matter probably just likes to be part of a team — or is someone who has certainties, ew. I was asked years ago what form of art is my favorite one and I’m still trying to find the right answer. How am I supposed to choose between literature, cinema and music? I need them at very different times and in very different ways, but my life would be equally empty without either one. What I can choose is something for each moment: in Lolita, I can place myself inside that “I” and feel empathy, disgust, discomfort. Reading a book lets my imagination project and receive, and I’m suddenly part of those pages. It’s a meditation, to sit in silence with a book in your hands, read one word after the other. You are so much in you that ‘you’ drifts away and leaves space for the everything. Written psilocybine. If we expect the same from movies, the most overstimulating form of art, we are clearly misguided. A movie tells you what, who, how, when, why. Within those confines there’s still so much to interpret and imagine, especially if you’re into movies that are not plot driven, but the experience is supported by senses. And you don’t get much agency over those. I have covered my eyes during Sirat, but I was still hearing everything. I went to Flora earlier this week. Flora is my go-to movie theater. Spring takes a toll on me, because my energy is even higher than usual but my body stays the same. So I use my Cineville pass to go watch anything without much reflection beforehand, hoping the randomness will shake me the right way. I picked Wasteman, and Tom Blyth had some influence on the choice. It’s a prison drama, very well acted","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5971.0,"y":6631.0,"width":387.0,"height":1120.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5971.0,"y":6631.0,"width":387.0,"height":1120.0},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,406.0],[0.0,1.0,6531.0]],"size":{"x":387.0,"y":1120.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"visible":false,"constraints":{"vertical":"BOTTOM","horizontal":"RIGHT"},"constraintValues":{"right":{"pixelOffset":418.0,"sizeFraction":1.0},"bottom":{"pixelOffset":2159.0,"sizeFraction":1.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"I have browsed amongst the books on my bookshelf to select one I had not read yet, and ended up picking one that sat there for years: Lolita by Nabokov. I had watched the movie when I was a kid, and after scrolling through other, more tempting titles, I decided this was appropriate for the moment. Before you report me to the authorities, let me say it’s just because of the mood of the book.\n\nI was surprised to notice how different I felt towards the movie, so after reading a bit I googled the 1997 film and noticed \nthat the actress was seventeen at the time, not twelve like \nin the written version. It’s quite the statement to make a movie about a man who abuses a child by choosing a girl who’s \nabout to enter adulthood, who wears lipstick and looks like \na woman — admittedly, still a minor, but very different from \na preadolescent child. In Kubrick’s version the girl sucks \na lollipop and wears heart sunglasses in the cover. I find both very interesting choices.\n\nIt’s no mystery movies do this, and you have not really lived \nif you haven’t heard someone tell you at least once how\n “the book is actually better”. If you haven’t, you’re probably the one who tells others. Stop.\n\nMovies and books are quite different means of artistic expression, and whoever tries to simplify the matter probably just likes to be part of a team — or is someone who has certainties, ew. I was asked years ago what form of art is my favorite one and I’m still trying to find the right answer. \nHow am I supposed to choose between literature, cinema \nand music? I need them at very different times and in very different ways, but my life would be equally empty without either one. What I can choose is something for each moment: in Lolita, I can place myself inside that “I” and feel empathy, disgust, discomfort. Reading a book lets my imagination project and receive, and I’m suddenly part of those pages. \nIt’s a meditation, to sit in silence with a book in your hands, read one word after the other. You are so much in you that ‘you’ drifts away and leaves space for the everything. \nWritten psilocybine.\n\nIf we expect the same from movies, the most overstimulating form of art, we are clearly misguided. A movie tells you what, who, how, when, why. Within those confines there’s still so much to interpret and imagine, especially if you’re into movies that are not plot driven, but the experience is supported \nby senses. And you don’t get much agency over those. I have covered my eyes during Sirat, but I was still hearing everything.\n\nI went to Flora earlier this week. Flora is my go-to movie theater. Spring takes a toll on me, because my energy is even higher than usual but my body stays the same. \nSo I use my Cineville pass to go watch anything without much reflection beforehand, hoping the randomness will shake me the right way. I picked Wasteman, and Tom Blyth had some influence on the choice. 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Even one word, if expressed linguistically (with the intent of communicating) is at the core a sentence. “Go!” is “I want you to go”. Some time after reading this — and with no apparent connection to it — I wondered: “What comes first, a photo or a video?”. It was clear to me that, actually, there was a connection. The word (just like the photo) is a casual extraction of the sentence (the video). The latter belongs to reality, where nothing doesn’t move. We can shed some light on reality and capture its temporary and still form, but there will be as much said (the word) as assumed (the rest of the implied sentence). Think about these one - word utterances: ”Joke” ”Sure” ”Island” ”Shit” It doesn’t matter how many words you’re adding in your head, it could even be none, but you’re adding a story and a movement. There’s something bigger behind those words, they can’t stand on their own. And if you see a picture? (And that’s precisely why I don’t like it when people are posing) You assume the people portrayed, even objects, were existing in a moving form and were captured “stopping”. It’s kind of cool, isn’t it? If I say “here”, do you imagine it’s me inviting you to join me where I am, or me telling you I’m firm on my (physical) position, or me pointing to where you hurt me? What story we add to simple statements is basically asking how do still things move in our head. Dopamine, one of my closest friends and archest enemies, is “the molecule of more” (this is how Lieberman and Long titled their book). More is what we often associate to it. But dopamine is also the molecule of elsewhere. Analogies are made with its help, because they need us to see what’s not there. Dopamine creates a movement. What’s present only matters insofar as it alludes to something not present or not ours that we’ll find or get. On top of these reflections, that at this point are piling up one on top of the other, I start thinking that we shouldn’t say that someone who took drugs is “high”, because it would be more accurate to say they are someplace else. Being intoxicated simply moves you from where you are to another place you didn’t know until that moment. And at this point it’s clear to me that despite how interesting these free associations are, and how something more linear might even come out of them, they are the product of a struggle.","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5594.0,"y":816.0,"width":158.0,"height":1019.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5594.18017578125,"y":818.492980957031,"width":157.00830078125,"height":1016.59503173828},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,29.0],[0.0,1.0,716.0]],"size":{"x":158.0,"y":1019.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":-17.875,"sizeFraction":0.125},"top":{"pixelOffset":716.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"This linguistics manual I held in my hands an hour in total said that sentences are the smallest meaningful elements of a language, not words. Even one word,\nif expressed linguistically (with \nthe intent of communicating) is at \nthe core a sentence. \n“Go!” is “I want you to go”. \n\nSome time after reading this — \nand with no apparent connection \nto it — I wondered: “What comes first, a photo or a video?”. It was clear \nto me that, actually, there was \na connection. The word (just like \nthe photo) is a casual extraction \nof the sentence (the video). \nThe latter belongs to reality, where nothing doesn’t move. We can shed some light on reality and capture its temporary and still form, but there will be as much said (the word) \nas assumed (the rest of the implied sentence).\n\nThink about these one - word utterances:\n”Joke”\n”Sure”\n”Island”\n”Shit”\n\nIt doesn’t matter how many words you’re adding in your head, it could even be none, but you’re adding \na story and a movement. There’s something bigger behind those words, they can’t stand on their own.\n\nAnd if you see a picture? (And that’s precisely why I don’t like it when people are posing) You assume \nthe people portrayed, even objects, were existing in a moving form \nand were captured “stopping”.\n\nIt’s kind of cool, isn’t it? If I say “here”, do you imagine it’s me inviting you \nto join me where I am, or me telling you I’m firm on my (physical) position, or me pointing to where you hurt me? What story we add to simple statements is basically asking how \ndo still things move in our head.\n\nDopamine, one of my closest friends and archest enemies, is “the molecule of more” (this is how Lieberman \nand Long titled their book). More is what we often associate to it. \nBut dopamine is also the molecule \nof elsewhere. Analogies are made with its help, because they need us \nto see what’s not there. Dopamine creates a movement. What’s present only matters insofar as it alludes \nto something not present or not ours that we’ll find or get.\n\nOn top of these reflections, \nthat at this point are piling up one \non top of the other, I start thinking that we shouldn’t say that someone who took drugs is “high”, because it would be more accurate to say they are someplace else. Being intoxicated simply moves you from where you are to another place you didn’t know until that moment. And at this point it’s clear to me that despite how interesting these free associations are, and how something more linear might even come out of them, they are the product of a struggle. 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are: Eight, basic, for Plutchik Defined through valence and arousal for Russell Six, shared universally, for Ekman And these are just three theories of the ones Claude gave me when I prompt it to summarize them. I asked the AI because these theories are not what’s important here. Since we were already talking, I also asked it how they treat guilt — which is the reason I’m writing this post. It told me that none of the theories concerned with basic/universal emotions insert it in the list, since it’s a heavily culture-loaded one, but it added that for Plutchik it’s a combination of fear and joy. When I asked it to provide the source, it recognized it should have been careful with saying that because it’s not sure it really comes from Plutchik himself. Was Claude… feeling guilty? I didn’t investigate, I went to download the article instead. But at this point I was deep in a rabbit hole of vague yet intriguing statements. And I let go of any resemblance of accuracy, because I mean: how cool is it to imagine guilt as a mix of fear and joy? As with anything unpleasant (all things we call “bad” when we’re not yet emotionally literate) there are hidden spots of pure perverse pleasure. I don’t have to trust Claude to know that. If we get so attached to guilt that it becomes our default reaction, there must be a good reason. Right? I hear you say: “Well, people make me feel guilty. It’s not me, it’s them who recriminate me.”, but deep down you know as much as I do that people don’t have that much power. Guilt is a price we pay for having done something we wanted to do. We punish ourselves, so we pay no other price. There’s the joy! I get to do the thing, and I make sure everyone knows I feel bad about it. “I’m not usually like this”, “I don’t know why I acted this way”, “That was so stupid of me, I feel so bad”. Crocodile’s tears, although no crocodile deserves this definition. Guilt is purely human, it stems from having both a body and a very self-aware brain inside and above that body. Guilt is how we make sure to pursue something we desire but without the responsibility of it, without saying, proudly: “Yes, I did it. I wanted to.”. Nobody can make us feel guilty unless we do. The beauty of this sneaky emotion is that it’s so many things at once. It is also company. Desires have a lot of power: they invigorate us but can make us terribly lonely. Expressing and pursuing them leave us stranded. How embarrassing, how awkward, how intense. HOW DISGUSTINGLY HUMAN. 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I asked the AI because these theories are not what’s important here. Since we were already talking, I also asked it how they treat guilt — which is the reason I’m writing this post.\n\nIt told me that none of the theories concerned with basic/universal emotions insert it in the list, since it’s a heavily culture-loaded one, but it added that for Plutchik it’s \na combination of fear and joy. When I asked it to provide \nthe source, it recognized it should have been careful with saying that because it’s not sure it really comes from Plutchik himself. Was Claude… feeling guilty? I didn’t investigate, I went to download the article instead.\n\nBut at this point I was deep in a rabbit hole of vague yet intriguing statements. 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And you don’t get much agency over those. I have covered my eyes during Sirat, but I was still hearing everything. I went to Flora earlier this week. Flora is my go-to movie theater. Spring takes a toll on me, because my energy is even higher than usual but my body stays the same. So I use my Cineville pass to go watch anything without much reflection beforehand, hoping the randomness will shake me the right way. I picked Wasteman, and Tom Blyth had some influence on the choice. It’s a prison drama, very well acted and tension dense. Many tattoos, drugs, inaudible English dialogue, and Jamie xx in the soundtrack. When I pick movies, as well as books, I’ll look for some relatability. I am not one who seeks knowledge about other worlds in forms of art. Thankfully though, if I pick a movie randomly, or just based on that nice-to-look-at actor, it can happen that there is not much I can relate to in what I’m watching. I mean, anything can be brought to an abstract level: feeling trapped, being a misfit, class struggle, race, being the cooler friend, having a lot to lose, being exposed. But if we stick to plot and themes, this was a movie that granted me some distance. Yet, I gave it 4 stars on Letterboxd. Yet, I felt my fidgeting and moving on the chair (already limited compared to my everyday life) reduced to the minimum. I had the pervasive experience of entering another reality, however claustrophobic and depressing, and someone else’s body, even if bent by addiction. My body left that room with a big sigh, like something had been released, like my mind had gained space. Since everything nicely comes together in my research paper on life, it fits that yesterday a colleague resuscitated a song from her past, and it was also my past. The song goes like this: “Just a perfect day
problems are left to know.
Weekenders all night long
it’s such fun.
Just a perfect day
you make me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
someone good“ Do yourself a favor: go listen to it, and forget yourself a 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that are not plot driven, \nbut the experience is supported \nby senses. And you don’t get much agency over those. I have covered my eyes during Sirat, but I was still hearing everything.\n\nI went to Flora earlier this week. \nFlora is my go-to movie theater. Spring takes a toll on me, because my energy is even higher than usual but my body stays the same. So I use my Cineville pass to go watch anything without much reflection beforehand, hoping the randomness will shake me \nthe right way. I picked Wasteman, \nand Tom Blyth had some influence \non the choice. It’s a prison drama, very well acted and tension dense. \nMany tattoos, drugs, inaudible English dialogue, and Jamie xx in the soundtrack. When I pick movies, \nas well as books, I’ll look for some relatability. \nI am not one who seeks knowledge about other worlds in forms of art. Thankfully though, if I pick a movie randomly, or just based on that nice-to-look-at actor, it can happen \nthat there is not much I can relate to \nin what I’m watching.\n\nI mean, anything can be brought \nto an abstract level: feeling trapped, being a misfit, class struggle, race, being the cooler friend, having a lot \nto lose, being exposed. But if we stick \nto plot and themes, this was a movie that granted me some distance. \nYet, I gave it 4 stars on Letterboxd. \nYet, I felt my fidgeting and moving \non the chair (already limited compared to my everyday life) reduced to the minimum.\n\nI had the pervasive experience \nof entering another reality, however claustrophobic and depressing, \nand someone else’s body, even if bent by addiction. My body left that room with a big sigh, like something had been released, like my mind had gained space.\n\nSince everything nicely comes together in my research paper on life, it fits that yesterday a colleague resuscitated a song from her past, \nand it was also my past. The song goes like this:\n\n“Just a perfect day
problems are left to know.
Weekenders all night long
it’s such fun.
Just a perfect day
you make me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
someone good“\n\nDo yourself a favor: go listen to it, \nand forget yourself a 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To decide, one day, to walk in a straight line. Not because straight is better than curved, not because it’ll be easier or funnier to explain, not for any other reason, because there are no reasons to do it. I just do. And after I decide, I start walking, and nothing can stop me. 
I struggle to find better metaphors than this one. When something painful happens, my other self soaks in it. She is not even that scared of dying, to be honest. She flirts with dissolution and destroys with total devotion. She holds on to irrelevant things and doesn’t need me to tell her they are. She knows. Yet, she hears my remarks and reacts disgusted: “Don’t you get it? That’s the point. Full commitment”. The psycho-enthusiast that is writing in English knows how many projections dress up the faces she encounters, and has the banal goal of suffering a bit less. She won’t get there through easy steps or resolutions (she shares a certain subtlety with her counterpart), but she will try to water a plant with her tears, build a shelter for her fears.
She’ll look for syllables that rhyme, words that resonate. She wants to find a story where between here and there, before and after, there’s a difference. Where April does not come back unaltered every year. There’s no desire to heal in the part of me who wrote: “If an atomic bomb exploded, I’d think it was my fault”. I know exactly what she means, and I have to work every day not to kill that part. I know very well, however, that she is also refraining from killing me, because I’m the only thing keeping her from total annihilation, but she’d love to get rid of me at times. We’d live much more straightforward lives if it was just one of us. To be this or to be that. Once again, to be both. Being powerless in the face of dilemmas. Letting them engulf you, and then, when it seems like the day will never end, snap out of it. Find the therapeutic undertone. My poet self writes because she must. And to be fair, this one too. She needs to write, yet she has no goal. She needs to write, otherwise she’ll explode. I need to write, otherwise life won’t look like life anymore. “Everything is gestation and then birthing. To let each impression and each embryo of a feeling come to completion, entirely in itself, in the dark, in the unsayable, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one’s own understanding, and with deep humility and patience to wait for the hour when a new clarity is born: this alone is what it means to live as an artist: in understanding as in 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an artist is this, whatever that means. To decide, one day, to walk in a straight line. Not because straight is better than curved, not because it’ll be easier or funnier to explain, not \nfor any other reason, because there are no reasons to do it. \nI just do. And after I decide, I start walking, and nothing can stop me. 
I struggle to find better metaphors than this one.\n\nWhen something painful happens, my other self soaks in it. \nShe is not even that scared of dying, to be honest. She flirts with dissolution and destroys with total devotion. She holds on to irrelevant things and doesn’t need me to tell her they are. She knows. Yet, she hears my remarks and reacts disgusted: “Don’t you get it? That’s the point. Full commitment”.\n\nThe psycho-enthusiast that is writing in English knows how many projections dress up the faces she encounters, and has the banal goal of suffering a bit less. She won’t get there through easy steps or resolutions (she shares a certain subtlety with her counterpart), but she will try to water a plant with her tears, build a shelter for her fears.
She’ll look for syllables that rhyme, words that resonate. \nShe wants to find a story where between here and there, before and after, there’s a difference. Where April does not come back unaltered every year.\n\nThere’s no desire to heal in the part of me who wrote:\n“If an atomic bomb exploded, I’d think it was my fault”. I know exactly what she means, and I have to work every day not to kill that part. I know very well, however, that she is also refraining from killing me, because I’m the only thing keeping her from total annihilation, but she’d love to get rid of me \nat times. We’d live much more straightforward lives if it was just one of us.\n\nTo be this or to be that. Once again, to be both. \nBeing powerless in the face of dilemmas. Letting them engulf you, and then, when it seems like the day will never end, snap out of it. Find the therapeutic undertone.\n\nMy poet self writes because she must. And to be fair, this one too. She needs to write, yet she has no goal. \nShe needs to write, otherwise she’ll explode. 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Flora is my go-to movie theater. Spring takes a toll on me, because my energy is even higher than usual but my body stays the same. So I use my Cineville pass to go watch anything without much reflection beforehand, hoping the randomness will shake me the right way. I picked Wasteman, and Tom Blyth had some influence on the choice. It’s a prison drama, very well acted and tension dense. Many tattoos, drugs, inaudible English dialogue, and Jamie xx in the soundtrack. When I pick movies, as well as books, I’ll look for some relatability. I am not one who seeks knowledge about other worlds in forms of art. Thankfully though, if I pick a movie randomly, or just based on that nice-to-look-at actor, it can happen that there is not much I can relate to in what I’m watching. I mean, anything can be brought to an abstract level: feeling trapped, being a misfit, class struggle, race, being the cooler friend, having a lot to lose, being exposed. But if we stick to plot and themes, this was a movie that granted me some distance. Yet, I gave it 4 stars on Letterboxd. Yet, I felt my fidgeting and moving on the chair (already limited compared to my everyday life) reduced to the minimum. I had the pervasive experience of entering another reality, however claustrophobic and depressing, and someone else’s body, even if bent by addiction. My body left that room with a big sigh, like something had been released, like my mind had gained space. Since everything nicely comes together in my research paper on life, it fits that yesterday a colleague resuscitated a song from her past, and it was also my past. The song goes like this: “Just a perfect day
problems are left to know.
Weekenders all night long
it’s such fun.
Just a perfect day
you make me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
someone good“ Do yourself a favor: go listen to it, and forget yourself a bit.","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5047.0,"y":6694.0,"width":387.0,"height":1120.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5046.7900390625,"y":6698.15478515625,"width":384.82861328125,"height":971.025390625},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,826.0],[0.0,1.0,6594.0]],"size":{"x":387.0,"y":1120.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"constraints":{"vertical":"TOP","horizontal":"RIGHT"},"constraintValues":{"right":{"pixelOffset":13.0,"sizeFraction":0.9375},"top":{"pixelOffset":6594.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1],"characters":"I went to Flora earlier this week. Flora is my go-to movie theater. Spring takes a toll on me, because my energy is even higher than usual but my body stays the same. \nSo I use my Cineville pass to go watch anything without much reflection beforehand, hoping the randomness will shake me the right way. I picked Wasteman, \nand Tom Blyth had some influence on the choice. \nIt’s a prison drama, very well acted and tension dense. Many tattoos, drugs, inaudible English dialogue, and Jamie xx in the soundtrack. When I pick movies, as well as books, I’ll look for some relatability. \nI am not one who seeks knowledge about other worlds in forms of art. Thankfully though, if I pick a movie randomly, or just based on that nice-to-look-at actor, \nit can happen that there is not much I can relate \nto in what I’m watching.\n\nI mean, anything can be brought to an abstract level: feeling trapped, being a misfit, class struggle, race, being the cooler friend, having a lot to lose, being exposed. But if we stick to plot and themes, this was \na movie that granted me some distance. Yet, I gave it \n4 stars on Letterboxd. \nYet, I felt my fidgeting and moving on the chair (already limited compared to my everyday life) reduced \nto the minimum.\n\nI had the pervasive experience of entering another reality, however claustrophobic and depressing, \nand someone else’s body, even if bent by addiction. \nMy body left that room with a big sigh, like something had been released, like my mind had gained space.\n\nSince everything nicely comes together in my research paper on life, it fits that yesterday a colleague resuscitated a song from her past, and it was also \nmy past. The song goes like this:\n\n“Just a perfect day
problems are left to know.
Weekenders all night long
it’s such fun.
Just a perfect day
you make me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
someone good“\n\nDo yourself a favor: go listen to it, and forget yourself \na 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linguistics manual I held in my hands an hour in total said that sentences are the smallest meaningful elements of a language, not words. Even one word, if expressed linguistically (with the intent of communicating) is at the core a sentence. “Go!” is “I want you to go”. Some time after reading this — and with no apparent connection to it — I wondered: “What comes first, a photo or a video?”. It was clear to me that, actually, there was a connection. The word (just like the photo) is a casual extraction of the sentence (the video). The latter belongs to reality, where nothing doesn’t move. We can shed some light on reality and capture its temporary and still form, but there will be as much said (the word) as assumed (the rest of the implied sentence). Think about these one-word utterances: ”Joke” ”Sure” ”Island” ”Shit” It doesn’t matter how many words you’re adding in your head, it could even be none, but you’re adding a story and a movement. There’s something bigger behind those words, they can’t stand on their own. And if you see a picture? (And that’s precisely why I don’t like it when people are posing) You assume the people portrayed, even objects, were existing in a moving form and were captured “stopping”. It’s kind of cool, isn’t it? If I say “here”, do you imagine it’s me inviting you to join me where I am, or me telling you I’m firm on my (physical) position, or me pointing to where you hurt me? What story we add to simple statements is basically asking how do still things move in our head. Dopamine, one of my closest friends and archest enemies, is “the molecule of more” (this is how Lieberman and Long titled their book). More is what we often associate to it. But dopamine is also the molecule of elsewhere. Analogies are made with its help, because they need us to see what’s not there. Dopamine creates a movement. What’s present only matters insofar as it alludes to something not present or not ours that we’ll find or get. On top of these reflections, that at this point are piling up one on top of the other, I start thinking that we shouldn’t say that someone who took drugs is “high”, because it would be more accurate to say they are someplace else. Being intoxicated simply moves you from where you are to another place you didn’t know until that moment. And at this point it’s clear to me that despite how interesting these free associations are,","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":4627.0,"y":2245.0,"width":388.0,"height":1194.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":4627.2998046875,"y":2249.15502929688,"width":385.65478515625,"height":1174.32495117188},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,406.0],[0.0,1.0,2145.0]],"size":{"x":388.0,"y":1194.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":6.0,"sizeFraction":0.3125},"top":{"pixelOffset":2145.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"This linguistics manual I held in my hands an hour \nin total said that sentences are the smallest meaningful elements of a language, not words. Even one word, \nif expressed linguistically (with the intent of communicating) is at the core a sentence. “Go!” is \n“I want you to go”. \n\nSome time after reading this — and with no apparent connection to it — I wondered: “What comes first, \na photo or a video?”. It was clear to me that, actually, there was a connection. The word (just like the photo) \nis a casual extraction of the sentence (the video). \nThe latter belongs to reality, where nothing doesn’t move. We can shed some light on reality and capture its temporary and still form, but there will be as much said (the word) as assumed (the rest of the implied sentence).\n\nThink about these one-word utterances:\n”Joke”\n”Sure”\n”Island”\n”Shit”\n\nIt doesn’t matter how many words you’re adding in your head, it could even be none, but you’re adding a story and a movement. There’s something bigger behind those words, they can’t stand on their own.\n\nAnd if you see a picture? (And that’s precisely why \nI don’t like it when people are posing) You assume \nthe people portrayed, even objects, were existing \nin a moving form and were captured “stopping”.\n\nIt’s kind of cool, isn’t it? If I say “here”, do you imagine it’s me inviting you to join me where I am, or me telling you I’m firm on my (physical) position, or me pointing \nto where you hurt me? What story we add to simple statements is basically asking how do still things move in our head.\n\nDopamine, one of my closest friends and archest enemies, is “the molecule of more” (this is how Lieberman and Long titled their book). More is what we often associate to it. But dopamine is also the molecule of elsewhere. Analogies are made with its help, because they need us to see what’s not there. Dopamine creates a movement. What’s present only matters insofar as it alludes to something not present or not ours that we’ll find or get.\n\nOn top of these reflections, that at this point are piling up one on top of the other, I start thinking that we shouldn’t say that someone who took drugs is “high”, because it would be more accurate to say they are someplace else. Being intoxicated simply moves you from where you are to another place you didn’t know until that moment. And at this point it’s clear to me that despite how interesting these free associations are, 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have been absent from Substack for a while, although I’m never too reliable on how often I write. When I don’t write here, I’m either not writing at all, or I’m writing elsewhere. This other place is practically but also symbolically different: things I write there pretend to be poems. They are often disconnected thoughts with a lot of line breaks. They are always in Italian, there’s a decent amount of cursing, and lowercase is the default. The people writing here and there share the same body, mouth and fingers with which they type (although one mostly uses a keyboard and the other writes by hand or on the phone), but I’m not sure they’d have a lot to talk about if they went on a date. They’d be able to appreciate the presence of some common grounds — how arbitrary things are, how little control we have, how extremely painful and generous life is — but they’d certainly call it a night pretty early, and maybe only kiss to see how that feels. Incompatible mouths. They’d be happy to go home. My poet self doesn’t even read poets, but she lives like one. She would make Rilke proud, not for the quality of her work, but because she lives by what he said: “This above all—ask yourself in the stillest hour of your night:  must I write? […] A work of art is good if it has sprung from necessity. […] I know no advice for you save this: to go into yourself and test the deeps in which your life takes rise; at its source you will find the answer to the question whether you must create“.
He’d be probably more judgmental once he knows she posts them on Instagram. “Letters to a young poet” is a cuddle to mind, heart and body. Rilke‘s insights are a gift to anyone who lives as a human on this earth. For this human right here, the question of how to balance and integrate duality is always present, but changes theme. At this moment, the duality is psychologist vs. poet. 
One writes on Substack, the other on Instagram. One expresses herself better in English, the other in her mother tongue.
They both believe in the unconscious, but one is a translator, the other is a surrenderer.
One wakes up at 7:00, the other is still awake. One speaks at a proper volume, the other whispers.
One finds meaning inside the depths of herself and others, the artist decorates these depths as if she’ll never get to escape them. In the book “Psychomagic”, Jodorowsky talks about living like a poet when he was a young man who could have been raised in Russia but instead grew up in Chile: “For example, Lihn and I decided one day to walk in a straight line, without ever wavering. We walked down the avenue, and we came to a tree. Instead of going around it, we climbed up and over it; if a car crossed in our path, we climbed on top, walking on its roof. In front of a house, we rang the doorbell, entered through the door and exited","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":4380.0,"y":2205.0,"width":158.0,"height":1055.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":4380.0,"y":2205.0,"width":158.0,"height":1055.0},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,31.0],[0.0,1.0,2105.0]],"size":{"x":158.0,"y":1055.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"visible":false,"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":-1.0,"sizeFraction":0.125},"top":{"pixelOffset":2105.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"I have been absent from Substack \nfor a while, although I’m never too reliable on how often I write. When \nI don’t write here, I’m either not writing at all, or I’m writing elsewhere. This other place is practically but also symbolically different: things I write there pretend to be poems. They are often disconnected thoughts with \na lot of line breaks. They are always \nin Italian, there’s a decent amount of cursing, and lowercase is the default. The people writing here and there share the same body, mouth \nand fingers with which they type (although one mostly uses a keyboard and the other writes by hand or on the phone), but I’m not sure they’d have a lot to talk about if they went on a date.\n\nThey’d be able to appreciate \nthe presence of some common grounds — how arbitrary things are, how little control we have, how extremely painful and generous life is — but they’d certainly call it a night pretty early, and maybe only kiss \nto see how that feels. Incompatible mouths. They’d be happy to go home.\n\nMy poet self doesn’t even read poets, but she lives like one. She would make Rilke proud, not for the quality of her work, but because she lives by what he said: “This above all—ask yourself in the stillest hour of your night: \nmust I write? […] \nA work of art is good if it has sprung from necessity. […] I know no advice for you save this: to go into yourself and test the deeps in which your life takes rise; at its source you will find the answer to the question whether you must create“.
He’d be probably more judgmental once he knows she posts them \non Instagram.\n\n“Letters to a young poet” is a cuddle to mind, heart and body. Rilke‘s insights are a gift to anyone who lives as a human on this earth. For this human right here, the question of how \nto balance and integrate duality is always present, but changes theme. At this moment, the duality is psychologist vs. poet. 
One writes on Substack, the other \non Instagram. One expresses herself better in English, the other in her mother tongue.
They both believe in the unconscious, but one is a translator, the other is \na surrenderer.
One wakes up at 7:00, the other is still awake. One speaks at a proper volume, the other whispers.
One finds meaning inside the depths of herself and others, the artist decorates these depths as if she’ll never get to escape them.\n\nIn the book “Psychomagic”, Jodorowsky talks about living like \na poet when he was a young man who could have been raised in Russia \nbut instead grew up in Chile: \n“For example, Lihn and I decided one day to walk in a straight line, without ever wavering. We walked down \nthe avenue, and we came to a tree. Instead of going around it, we climbed up and over it; if a car crossed in our path, we climbed \non top, walking on its roof. In front of a house, we rang the doorbell, entered through the door and exited 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When I don’t write here, I’m either not writing at all, or I’m writing elsewhere. This other place is practically but also symbolically different: things I write there pretend to be poems. They are often disconnected thoughts with a lot of line breaks. They are always in Italian, there’s a decent amount of cursing, and lowercase is the default. The people writing here and there share the same body, mouth and fingers with which they type (although one mostly uses a keyboard and the other writes by hand or on the phone), but I’m not sure they’d have a lot to talk about if they went on a date. They’d be able to appreciate the presence of some common grounds — how arbitrary things are, how little control we have, how extremely painful and generous life is — but they’d certainly call it a night pretty early, and maybe only kiss to see how that feels. Incompatible mouths. They’d be happy to go home. My poet self doesn’t even read poets, but she lives like one. She would make Rilke proud, not for the quality of her work, but because she lives by what he said: “This above all—ask yourself in the stillest hour of your night: must I write? […] A work of art is good if it has sprung from necessity. […] I know no advice for you save this: to go into yourself and test the deeps in which your life takes rise; at its source you will find the answer to the question whether you must create.“.
He’d be probably more judgmental once he knows she posts them on Instagram. “Letters to a young poet” is a cuddle to mind, heart and body. Rilke‘s insights are a gift to anyone who lives as a human on this earth. For this human right here, the question of how to balance and integrate duality is always present, but changes theme. At this moment, the duality is psychologist vs. poet. 
One writes on Substack, the other on Instagram. 
One expresses herself better in English, the other in her mother tongue. They both believe in the unconscious, but one is a translator, the other is a surrenderer.
One wakes up at 7:00, the other is still awake.
One speaks at a proper volume, the other whispers.
One finds meaning inside the depths of herself and others, the artist decorates these depths as if she’ll never get to escape them. In the book “Psychomagic”, Jodorowsky talks about living like a poet when he was a young man who could have been raised in Russia but instead grew up in Chile: “For example, Lihn and I decided one day to walk in a straight line, without ever wavering. We walked down the avenue, and we came to a tree. Instead of going around it, we climbed up and over it; if a car crossed in our path, we climbed on top, walking on its roof. In front of a house, we rang the doorbell, entered through the door and exited where we could, sometimes through a window. The important thing was to maintain the straight line and not pay any attention to an obstacle, as if it did not exist.”.","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":4625.0,"y":4434.0,"width":385.0,"height":1262.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":4625.35986328125,"y":4438.15478515625,"width":382.46533203125,"height":1252.6904296875},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,404.0],[0.0,1.0,4334.0]],"size":{"x":385.0,"y":1262.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":4.0,"sizeFraction":0.3125},"top":{"pixelOffset":4334.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"I have been absent from Substack for a while, although I’m never too reliable on how often I write. When I don’t write here, I’m either not writing at all, or I’m writing elsewhere. This other place is practically but also symbolically different: things I write there pretend \nto be poems. They are often disconnected thoughts with a lot of line breaks. They are always in Italian, there’s a decent amount of cursing, and lowercase is the default. The people writing here and there share the same body, mouth and fingers with which they type (although one mostly uses a keyboard \nand the other writes by hand or on the phone), \nbut I’m not sure they’d have a lot to talk about if they went on a date.\n\nThey’d be able to appreciate the presence of some common grounds — how arbitrary things are, how little control we have, how extremely painful and generous life is — but they’d certainly call it a night pretty early, and maybe only kiss to see how that feels. Incompatible mouths. They’d be happy to go home.\n\nMy poet self doesn’t even read poets, but she lives like one. She would make Rilke proud, not for the quality \nof her work, but because she lives by what he said: “This above all—ask yourself in the stillest hour of your night: must I write? […] A work of art is good if it has sprung from necessity. […] I know no advice for you save this: to go into yourself and test the deeps \nin which your life takes rise; at its source you will find the answer to the question whether you must create.“.
He’d be probably more judgmental once he knows she posts them on Instagram.\n\n“Letters to a young poet” is a cuddle to mind, heart \nand body. Rilke‘s insights are a gift to anyone who lives as a human on this earth. For this human right here, \nthe question of how to balance and integrate duality \nis always present, but changes theme. At this moment, the duality is psychologist vs. poet. 
One writes on Substack, the other on Instagram. 
One expresses herself better in English, the other in her mother tongue. They both believe in the unconscious, but one is a translator, the other is a surrenderer.
One wakes up at 7:00, the other is still awake.
One speaks at a proper volume, the other whispers.
One finds meaning inside the depths of herself \nand others, the artist decorates these depths as if she’ll never get to escape them.\n\nIn the book “Psychomagic”, Jodorowsky talks about living like a poet when he was a young man who could have been raised in Russia but instead grew up in Chile: “For example, Lihn and I decided one day to walk in a straight line, without ever wavering. We walked down the avenue, and we came to a tree. Instead of going around it, we climbed up and over it; if a car crossed \nin our path, we climbed on top, walking on its roof. \nIn front of a house, we rang the doorbell, entered through the door and exited where we could, sometimes through a window. The important thing was to maintain the straight line and not pay any attention to an obstacle, as if it did not 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how something more linear might even come out of them, they are the product of a struggle. My mind (with the help of some variables, like August) can’t find stillness. It frantically moves at all times making connections, starting new conversations (while getting intensely attached to finishing all of them), initiating projects, making a point and debating it, engaging in full cycles of speculation, jumping with tired legs between here and there. This makes this sequence of words much less eager to come out, and you’ll be asked to shift from reading something informational, albeit delusively so, to something personal, and making an assessment on whether you’re willing to get a bit closer. It doesn’t matter how close you get, though, because this chemical productivity is only accessible to me, and I can explain it, but you won’t hear the noise if you listen carefully, and you won’t see the chaos if you put a straw in my ear. What explains it is perhaps the metaphors and changes, the moving quality of my speech and my writing, that feels neutral at times but mostly feels very good or very bad. When it’s very good, these series of inferences on movement and stillness can become something interesting to read, or one my philosophical side quests that will turn into something that looks nothing like its premises. In another life, it would have been a perfect drive for an academic career, or it would have made me stick to playing piano. When it’s bad (we’re only referring to feelings here, not moral judgements), I’m confronted with the limits of a body that is better suited for words and for images, or could at least benefit from a more varied diet. A body can’t possibly contain all this back and forth. Yet it does. It can’t decide not to. It has to host these intruders because they are already in, they never knocked to come inside. They are, in a way, older than the house itself. Some things are given and other are chosen. I have the privilege of even questioning what to do with this silly brain, and the answer (a generous average of all months, not just the summer ones) so far has been: I keep it as it is. The good is alive, bright, curious, hungry, amazed. Half my life would not exist if it wasn’t this way, and the other half (when I’m sleeping) would certainly have much quieter dreams. But it’s not an easy choice. The fifth time I pick up my nightstand voice recorder (the fact that I need to give it a name based on location should already tell you there are more) because I have another thought on movement, I can hear my brain laugh at me. 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It frantically moves at all times making connections, starting new conversations (while getting intensely attached to finishing all of them), initiating projects, making a point and debating it, engaging in full cycles of speculation, jumping with tired legs between here and there. This makes this sequence of words much less eager to come out, and you’ll be asked to shift from reading something informational, albeit delusively so, to something personal, and making an assessment on whether you’re willing to get a bit closer. It doesn’t matter how close you get, though, because this chemical productivity is only accessible to me, and I can explain it, but you won’t hear the noise if you listen carefully, and you won’t see the chaos if you put a straw in my ear. What explains it is perhaps the metaphors and changes, the moving quality of my speech and my writing, that feels neutral at times but mostly feels very good or very bad. When it’s very good, these series of inferences on movement and stillness can become something interesting to read, or one my philosophical side quests that will turn into something that looks nothing like its premises. In another life, it would have been a perfect drive for an academic career, or it would have made me stick to playing piano. When it’s bad (we’re only referring to feelings here, not moral judgements), I’m confronted with the limits of a body that is better suited for words and for images, or could at least benefit from a more varied diet. A body can’t possibly contain all this back and forth. Yet it does. It can’t decide not to. It has to host these intruders because they are already in, they never knocked to come inside. They are, in a way, older than the house itself. Some things are given and other are chosen. I have the privilege of even questioning what to do with this silly brain, and the answer (a generous average of all months, not just the summer ones) so far has been: I keep it as it is. The good is alive, bright, curious, hungry, amazed. Half my life would not exist if it wasn’t this way, and the other half (when I’m sleeping) would certainly have much quieter dreams. But it’s not an easy choice. The fifth time I pick up my nightstand voice recorder (the fact that I need to give it a name based on location should already tell you there are more) because I have another thought on movement, I can hear my brain laugh at me. 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It frantically moves at all times making connections, starting new conversations (while getting intensely attached to finishing all \nof them), initiating projects, making \na point and debating it, engaging \nin full cycles of speculation, jumping with tired legs between here \nand there.\n\nThis makes this sequence of words much less eager to come out, \nand you’ll be asked to shift from reading something informational, albeit delusively so, to something personal, and making an assessment on whether you’re willing to get a bit closer.\n\nIt doesn’t matter how close you get, though, because this chemical productivity is only accessible to me, and I can explain it, but you won’t hear the noise if you listen carefully, and you won’t see the chaos if you put a straw in my ear.\n\nWhat explains it is perhaps \nthe metaphors and changes, \nthe moving quality of my speech \nand my writing, that feels neutral \nat times but mostly feels very good \nor very bad. When it’s very good, these series of inferences on movement and stillness can become something interesting to read, or one my philosophical side quests that will turn into something that looks nothing like its premises. In another life, \nit would have been a perfect drive \nfor an academic career, or it would have made me stick to playing piano.\n\nWhen it’s bad (we’re only referring to feelings here, not moral judgements), I’m confronted with the limits \nof a body that is better suited \nfor words and for images, or could \nat least benefit from a more varied diet. A body can’t possibly contain all this back and forth. Yet it does. \nIt can’t decide not to. It has to host these intruders because they are already in, they never knocked \nto come inside. They are, in a way, older than the house itself.\n\nSome things are given and other are chosen. I have the privilege of even questioning what to do with this silly brain, and the answer (a generous average of all months, not just \nthe summer ones) so far has been: \nI keep it as it is. The good is alive, bright, curious, hungry, amazed. \nHalf my life would not exist if it wasn’t this way, and the other half (when I’m sleeping) would certainly have much quieter dreams.\n\nBut it’s not an easy choice. The fifth time I pick up my nightstand voice recorder (the fact that I need to give it a name based on location should already tell you there are more) because I have another thought \non movement, I can hear my brain laugh at me. 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I asked the AI because these theories are not what’s important here. Since we were already talking, I also asked it how they treat guilt — which is the reason I’m writing this post. It told me that none of the theories concerned with basic/universal emotions insert it in the list, since it’s a heavily culture-loaded one, but it added that for Plutchik it’s a combination of fear and joy. When I asked it to provide the source, it recognized it should have been careful with saying that because it’s not sure it really comes from Plutchik himself. Was Claude… feeling guilty? I didn’t investigate, I went to download the article instead. But at this point I was deep in a rabbit hole of vague yet intriguing statements. And I let go of any resemblance of accuracy, because I mean: how cool is it to imagine guilt as a mix of fear and joy? As with anything unpleasant (all things we call “bad” when we’re not yet emotionally literate) there are hidden spots of pure perverse pleasure. I don’t have to trust Claude to know that. If we get so attached to guilt that it becomes our default reaction, there must be a good reason. Right? I hear you say: “Well, people make me feel guilty. It’s not me, it’s them who recriminate me.”, but deep down you know as much as I do that people don’t have that much power. Guilt is a price we pay for having done something we wanted to do. We punish ourselves, so we pay no other price. There’s the joy! I get to do the thing, and I make sure everyone knows I feel bad about it. “I’m not usually like this”, “I don’t know why I acted this way”, “That was so stupid of me, I feel so bad”.","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5594.0,"y":4753.0,"width":158.0,"height":746.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5594.18017578125,"y":4755.4931640625,"width":156.04150390625,"height":738.61474609375},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,22.0],[0.0,1.0,2840.0]],"size":{"x":158.0,"y":746.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"constraints":{"vertical":"BOTTOM","horizontal":"LEFT"},"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":-17.875,"sizeFraction":0.125},"bottom":{"pixelOffset":-93.0,"sizeFraction":1.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"Emotions are:\nEight, basic, for Plutchik\nDefined through valence \n      and arousal for Russell\nSix, shared universally, for Ekman\n\nAnd these are just three theories \nof the ones Claude gave me when \nI prompt it to summarize them. \nI asked the AI because these theories are not what’s important here. \nSince we were already talking, I also asked it how they treat guilt — which is the reason I’m writing this post.\n\nIt told me that none of the theories concerned with basic/universal emotions insert it in the list, since \nit’s a heavily culture-loaded one, \nbut it added that for Plutchik it’s \na combination of fear and joy. When I asked it to provide the source, it recognized it should have been careful with saying that because it’s not sure it really comes from Plutchik himself. Was Claude… feeling guilty? \nI didn’t investigate, I went to download the article instead.\n\nBut at this point I was deep in a rabbit hole of vague yet intriguing statements. And I let go of any resemblance of accuracy, because \nI mean: how cool is it to imagine guilt \nas a mix of fear and joy?\n\nAs with anything unpleasant (all things we call “bad” when we’re not yet emotionally literate) there are hidden spots of pure perverse pleasure. I don’t have to trust Claude to know that. If we get so attached \nto guilt that it becomes our default reaction, there must be a good reason. Right?\n\nI hear you say: “Well, people make me feel guilty. It’s not me, it’s them who recriminate me.”, but deep down you know as much as I do that people don’t have that much power.\n\nGuilt is a price we pay for having done something we wanted to do. \nWe punish ourselves, so we pay no other price. \nThere’s the joy! I get to do the thing, and I make sure everyone knows I feel bad about it. “I’m not usually like this”, “I don’t know why I acted this way”, “That was so stupid of me, I feel \nso 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Guilt is purely human, it stems from having both a body and a very self-aware brain inside and above \nthat body.\n\nGuilt is how we make sure to pursue something we desire but without \nthe responsibility of it, without saying, proudly: “Yes, I did it. I wanted to”. Nobody can make us feel guilty unless we do.\n\nThe beauty of this sneaky emotion is that it’s so many things at once. \nIt is also company. Desires have a lot of power: they invigorate us but can make us terribly lonely. Expressing \nand pursuing them leave us stranded. How embarrassing, how awkward, how intense. HOW DISGUSTINGLY HUMAN. With guilt we make a little space \nof comfort where we gain back control: it was me, it was my fault, \nI made a mistake. It’s not that life is incredibly chaotic, it’s not that things happen with reasons I can’t grasp. \nNo no. It’s me. This time I failed \nbut watch me next time.\n\nA sort of emotional perfectionism, \nguilt is also how we live in an eternal yesterday. 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I had watched the movie when I was a kid, and after scrolling through other, more tempting titles, \nI decided this was appropriate for \nthe moment. Before you report me \nto the authorities, let me say it’s just because of the mood of the book.\n\nI was surprised to notice how different I felt towards the movie, so after reading a bit I googled the 1997 film and noticed that the actress was seventeen at the time, not twelve like \nin the written version. \nIt’s quite the statement to make \na movie about a man who abuses \na child by choosing a girl who’s about to enter adulthood, who wears lipstick and looks like a woman — admittedly, still a minor, but very different from a preadolescent child. In Kubrick’s version the girl sucks \na lollipop and wears heart sunglasses in the cover. \nI find both very interesting choices.\n\nIt’s no mystery movies do this, \nand you have not really lived if you haven’t heard someone tell you \nat least once how “the book is actually better”. 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mind (with the help of some variables, like August) can’t find stillness. It frantically moves at all times making connections, starting new conversations (while getting intensely attached to finishing all of them), initiating projects, making a point and debating it, engaging in full cycles of speculation, jumping with tired legs between here and there. This makes this sequence of words much less eager to come out, and you’ll be asked to shift from reading something informational, albeit delusively so, to something personal, and making an assessment on whether you’re willing to get a bit closer. It doesn’t matter how close you get, though, because this chemical productivity is only accessible to me, and I can explain it, but you won’t hear the noise if you listen carefully, and you won’t see the chaos if you put a straw in my ear. What explains it is perhaps the metaphors and changes, the moving quality of my speech and my writing, that feels neutral at times but mostly feels very good or very bad. When it’s very good, these series of inferences on movement and stillness can become something interesting to read, or one my philosophical side quests that will turn into something that looks nothing like its premises. In another life, it would have been a perfect drive for an academic career, or it would have made me stick to playing piano. When it’s bad (we’re only referring to feelings here, not moral judgements), I’m confronted with the limits of a body that is better suited for words and for images, or could at least benefit from a more varied diet. A body can’t possibly contain all this back and forth. Yet it does. It can’t decide not to. It has to host these intruders because they are already in, they never knocked to come inside. They are, in a way, older than the house itself. Some things are given and other are chosen. I have the privilege of even questioning what to do with this silly brain, and the answer (a generous average of all months, not just the summer ones) so far has been: I keep it as it is. The good is alive, bright, curious, hungry, amazed. Half my life would not exist if it wasn’t this way, and the other half (when I’m sleeping) would certainly have much quieter dreams. But it’s not an easy choice. The fifth time I pick up my nightstand voice recorder (the fact that I need to give it a name based on location should already tell you there are more) because I have another thought on movement, I can hear my brain laugh at me. And I have to remind myself how funny I find it at times, whereas at this moment it feels like bullying.","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5768.0,"y":816.0,"width":159.0,"height":1019.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5768.18896484375,"y":817.700988769531,"width":158.22265625,"height":993.387023925781},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,203.0],[0.0,1.0,716.0]],"size":{"x":159.0,"y":1019.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"constraints":{"vertical":"TOP","horizontal":"RIGHT"},"constraintValues":{"right":{"pixelOffset":10.4375,"sizeFraction":0.9375},"top":{"pixelOffset":716.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"My mind (with the help of some variables, like August) can’t find stillness. It frantically moves at all times making connections, starting new conversations (while getting intensely attached to finishing all \nof them), initiating projects, making \na point and debating it, engaging \nin full cycles of speculation, jumping with tired legs between here \nand there.\n\nThis makes this sequence of words much less eager to come out, \nand you’ll be asked to shift from reading something informational, albeit delusively so, to something personal, and making an assessment on whether you’re willing to get a bit closer.\n\nIt doesn’t matter how close you get, though, because this chemical productivity is only accessible to me, and I can explain it, but you won’t hear the noise if you listen carefully, and you won’t see the chaos if you put a straw in my ear.\n\nWhat explains it is perhaps \nthe metaphors and changes, \nthe moving quality of my speech \nand my writing, that feels neutral \nat times but mostly feels very good \nor very bad. When it’s very good, these series of inferences on movement and stillness can become something interesting to read, or one my philosophical side quests that will turn into something that looks nothing like its premises. In another life, \nit would have been a perfect drive \nfor an academic career, or it would have made me stick to playing piano.\n\nWhen it’s bad (we’re only referring to feelings here, not moral judgements), I’m confronted with the limits \nof a body that is better suited \nfor words and for images, or could \nat least benefit from a more varied diet. A body can’t possibly contain all this back and forth. Yet it does. \nIt can’t decide not to. It has to host these intruders because they are already in, they never knocked \nto come inside. They are, in a way, older than the house itself.\n\nSome things are given and other are chosen. I have the privilege of even questioning what to do with this silly brain, and the answer (a generous average of all months, not just \nthe summer ones) so far has been: \nI keep it as it is. The good is alive, bright, curious, hungry, amazed. \nHalf my life would not exist if it wasn’t this way, and the other half (when I’m sleeping) would certainly have much quieter dreams.\n\nBut it’s not an easy choice. The fifth time I pick up my nightstand voice recorder (the fact that I need to give it a name based on location should already tell you there are more) because I have another thought \non movement, I can hear my brain laugh at me. And I have to remind myself how funny I find it at times, whereas at this moment it feels like 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we could, sometimes through a window. The important thing was to maintain the straight line and not pay any attention to an obstacle, as if it did not exist.”. Being an artist is this, whatever that means. To decide, one day, to walk in a straight line. Not because straight is better than curved, not because it’ll be easier or funnier to explain, not for any other reason, because there are no reasons to do it. I just do. And after I decide, I start walking, and nothing can stop me. 
I struggle to find better metaphors than this one. When something painful happens, my other self soaks in it. She is not even that scared of dying, to be honest. She flirts with dissolution and destroys with total devotion. She holds on to irrelevant things and doesn’t need me to tell her they are. She knows. Yet, she hears my remarks and reacts disgusted: “Don’t you get it? That’s the point. Full commitment”. The psycho-enthusiast that is writing in English knows how many projections dress up the faces she encounters, and has the banal goal of suffering a bit less. She won’t get there through easy steps or resolutions (she shares a certain subtlety with her counterpart), but she will try to water a plant with her tears, build a shelter for her fears.
She’ll look for syllables that rhyme, words that resonate. She wants to find a story where between here and there, before and after, there’s a difference. Where April does not come back unaltered every year. There’s no desire to heal in the part of me who wrote: “If an atomic bomb exploded, I’d think it was my fault”. I know exactly what she means, and I have to work every day not to kill that part. I know very well, however, that she is also refraining from killing me, because I’m the only thing keeping her from total annihilation, but she’d love to get rid of me at times. We’d live much more straightforward lives if it was just one of us. To be this or to be that. Once again, to be both. Being powerless in the face of dilemmas. Letting them engulf you, and then, when it seems like the day will never end, snap out of it. Find the therapeutic undertone. My poet self writes because she must. And to be fair, this one too. She needs to write, yet she has no goal. She needs to write, otherwise she’ll explode. I need to write, otherwise life won’t look like life anymore. “Everything is gestation and then birthing. To let each impression and each embryo of a feeling come to completion, entirely in itself, in the dark, in the unsayable, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one’s own understanding, and with deep humility and patience to wait for the hour when a new clarity is born: this alone is what it means to live as an artist: in understanding as in 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we could, sometimes through \na window. The important thing was \nto maintain the straight line and not pay any attention to an obstacle, as if it did not exist.”.\n\nBeing an artist is this, whatever that means. To decide, one day, to walk \nin a straight line. Not because straight is better than curved, not because it’ll be easier or funnier to explain, not \nfor any other reason, because there are no reasons to do it. \nI just do. And after I decide, I start walking, and nothing can stop me. 
I struggle to find better metaphors than this one.\n\nWhen something painful happens, \nmy other self soaks in it. \nShe is not even that scared of dying, \nto be honest. She flirts with dissolution and destroys with total devotion. \nShe holds on to irrelevant things \nand doesn’t need me to tell her they are. She knows. Yet, she hears my remarks and reacts disgusted: “Don’t you get it? That’s the point. \nFull commitment”.\n\nThe psycho-enthusiast that is writing in English knows how many projections dress up the faces she encounters, and has the banal goal of suffering \na bit less. She won’t get there through easy steps or resolutions (she shares a certain subtlety with her counterpart), but she will try to water a plant with her tears, build a shelter for her fears.
She’ll look for syllables that rhyme, words that resonate. \nShe wants to find a story where between here and there, before \nand after, there’s a difference. Where April does not come back unaltered every year.\n\nThere’s no desire to heal in the part \nof me who wrote:\n“If an atomic bomb exploded, I’d think it was my fault”. I know exactly what she means, and I have to work every day not to kill that part. I know very well, however, that she is also refraining from killing me, because I’m the only thing keeping her from total annihilation, but she’d love to get rid \nof me at times. We’d live much more straightforward lives if it was just one of us.\n\nTo be this or to be that. Once again, \nto be both. Being powerless in the face of dilemmas. Letting them engulf you, and then, when it seems like the day will never end, snap out of it. \nFind the therapeutic undertone.\n\nMy poet self writes because she must. And to be fair, this one too. She needs to write, yet she has no goal. \nShe needs to write, otherwise she’ll explode. I need to write, otherwise life won’t look like life anymore.\n\n“Everything is gestation and then birthing. 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The important thing was to maintain the straight line and not pay any attention to an obstacle, as if it did not exist.”. Being an artist is this, whatever that means. To decide, one day, to walk in a straight line. Not because straight is better than curved, not because it’ll be easier or funnier to explain, not for any other reason, because there are no reasons to do it. I just do. And after I decide, I start walking, and nothing can stop me. 
I struggle to find better metaphors than this one. When something painful happens, my other self soaks in it. She is not even that scared of dying, to be honest. She flirts with dissolution and destroys with total devotion. She holds on to irrelevant things and doesn’t need me to tell her they are. She knows. Yet, she hears my remarks and reacts disgusted: “Don’t you get it? That’s the point. Full commitment”. The psycho-enthusiast that is writing in English knows how many projections dress up the faces she encounters, and has the banal goal of suffering a bit less. She won’t get there through easy steps or resolutions (she shares a certain subtlety with her counterpart), but she will try to water a plant with her tears, build a shelter for her fears.
She’ll look for syllables that rhyme, words that resonate. She wants to find a story where between here and there, before and after, there’s a difference. Where April does not come back unaltered every year. There’s no desire to heal in the part of me who wrote: “If an atomic bomb exploded, I’d think it was my fault”. I know exactly what she means, and I have to work every day not to kill that part. I know very well, however, that she is also refraining from killing me, because I’m the only thing keeping her from total annihilation, but she’d love to get rid of me at times. We’d live much more straightforward lives if it was just one of us. To be this or to be that. Once again, to be both. Being powerless in the face of dilemmas. Letting them engulf you, and then, when it seems like the day will never end, snap out of it. Find the therapeutic undertone. My poet self writes because she must. And to be fair, this one too. She needs to write, yet she has no goal. She needs to write, otherwise she’ll explode. I need to write, otherwise life won’t look like life anymore. “Everything is gestation and then birthing. 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we could, sometimes through \na window. The important thing was \nto maintain the straight line and not pay any attention to an obstacle, as if it did not exist.”.\n\nBeing an artist is this, whatever that means. To decide, one day, to walk \nin a straight line. Not because straight is better than curved, not because it’ll be easier or funnier to explain, not \nfor any other reason, because there are no reasons to do it. \nI just do. And after I decide, I start walking, and nothing can stop me. 
I struggle to find better metaphors than this one.\n\nWhen something painful happens, \nmy other self soaks in it. \nShe is not even that scared of dying, \nto be honest. She flirts with dissolution and destroys with total devotion. \nShe holds on to irrelevant things \nand doesn’t need me to tell her they are. She knows. Yet, she hears my remarks and reacts disgusted: “Don’t you get it? That’s the point. \nFull commitment”.\n\nThe psycho-enthusiast that is writing in English knows how many projections dress up the faces she encounters, and has the banal goal of suffering \na bit less. She won’t get there through easy steps or resolutions (she shares a certain subtlety with her counterpart), but she will try to water a plant with her tears, build a shelter for her fears.
She’ll look for syllables that rhyme, words that resonate. \nShe wants to find a story where between here and there, before \nand after, there’s a difference. Where April does not come back unaltered every year.\n\nThere’s no desire to heal in the part \nof me who wrote:\n“If an atomic bomb exploded, I’d think it was my fault”. I know exactly what she means, and I have to work every day not to kill that part. I know very well, however, that she is also refraining from killing me, because I’m the only thing keeping her from total annihilation, but she’d love to get rid \nof me at times. We’d live much more straightforward lives if it was just one of us.\n\nTo be this or to be that. Once again, \nto be both. Being powerless in the face of dilemmas. Letting them engulf you, and then, when it seems like the day will never end, snap out of it. \nFind the therapeutic undertone.\n\nMy poet self writes because she must. And to be fair, this one too. She needs to write, yet she has no goal. \nShe needs to write, otherwise she’ll explode. I need to write, otherwise life won’t look like life anymore.\n\n“Everything is gestation and then birthing. 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And you don’t get much agency over those. I have covered my eyes during Sirat, but I was still hearing everything. I went to Flora earlier this week. Flora is my go-to movie theater. Spring takes a toll on me, because my energy is even higher than usual but my body stays the same. So I use my Cineville pass to go watch anything without much reflection beforehand, hoping the randomness will shake me the right way. I picked Wasteman, and Tom Blyth had some influence on the choice. It’s a prison drama, very well acted and tension dense. Many tattoos, drugs, inaudible English dialogue, and Jamie xx in the soundtrack. When I pick movies, as well as books, I’ll look for some relatability. I am not one who seeks knowledge about other worlds in forms of art. Thankfully though, if I pick a movie randomly, or just based on that nice-to-look-at actor, it can happen that there is not much I can relate to in what I’m watching. I mean, anything can be brought to an abstract level: feeling trapped, being a misfit, class struggle, race, being the cooler friend, having a lot to lose, being exposed. But if we stick to plot and themes, this was a movie that granted me some distance. Yet, I gave it 4 stars on Letterboxd. Yet, I felt my fidgeting and moving on the chair (already limited compared to my everyday life) reduced to the minimum. I had the pervasive experience of entering another reality, however claustrophobic and depressing, and someone else’s body, even if bent by addiction. My body left that room with a big sigh, like something had been released, like my mind had gained space. Since everything nicely comes together in my research paper on life, it fits that yesterday a colleague resuscitated a song from her past, and it was also my past. The song goes like this: “Just a perfect day
problems are left to know.
Weekenders all night long
it’s such fun.
Just a perfect day
you make me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
someone good“ Do yourself a favor: go listen to it, and forget yourself a 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that are not plot driven, \nbut the experience is supported \nby senses. And you don’t get much agency over those. I have covered my eyes during Sirat, but I was still hearing everything.\n\nI went to Flora earlier this week. \nFlora is my go-to movie theater. Spring takes a toll on me, because my energy is even higher than usual but my body stays the same. So I use my Cineville pass to go watch anything without much reflection beforehand, hoping the randomness will shake me \nthe right way. I picked Wasteman, \nand Tom Blyth had some influence \non the choice. It’s a prison drama, very well acted and tension dense. \nMany tattoos, drugs, inaudible English dialogue, and Jamie xx in the soundtrack. When I pick movies, \nas well as books, I’ll look for some relatability. \nI am not one who seeks knowledge about other worlds in forms of art. Thankfully though, if I pick a movie randomly, or just based on that nice-to-look-at actor, it can happen \nthat there is not much I can relate to \nin what I’m watching.\n\nI mean, anything can be brought \nto an abstract level: feeling trapped, being a misfit, class struggle, race, being the cooler friend, having a lot \nto lose, being exposed. But if we stick \nto plot and themes, this was a movie that granted me some distance. \nYet, I gave it 4 stars on Letterboxd. \nYet, I felt my fidgeting and moving \non the chair (already limited compared to my everyday life) reduced to the minimum.\n\nI had the pervasive experience \nof entering another reality, however claustrophobic and depressing, \nand someone else’s body, even if bent by addiction. My body left that room with a big sigh, like something had been released, like my mind had gained space.\n\nSince everything nicely comes together in my research paper on life, it fits that yesterday a colleague resuscitated a song from her past, \nand it was also my past. The song goes like this:\n\n“Just a perfect day
problems are left to know.
Weekenders all night long
it’s such fun.
Just a perfect day
you make me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
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On top of these reflections, that at this point are piling up one on top of the other, I start thinking that we shouldn’t say that someone who took drugs is “high”, because it would be more accurate to say they are someplace else. Being intoxicated simply moves you from where you are to another place you didn’t know until that moment. 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Even one word,\nif expressed linguistically (with \nthe intent of communicating) is at \nthe core a sentence. \n“Go!” is “I want you to go”. \n\nSome time after reading this — \nand with no apparent connection \nto it — I wondered: “What comes first, a photo or a video?”. It was clear \nto me that, actually, there was \na connection. The word (just like \nthe photo) is a casual extraction \nof the sentence (the video). \nThe latter belongs to reality, where nothing doesn’t move. We can shed some light on reality and capture its temporary and still form, but there will be as much said (the word) \nas assumed (the rest of the implied sentence).\n\nThink about these one - word utterances:\n”Joke”\n”Sure”\n”Island”\n”Shit”\n\nIt doesn’t matter how many words you’re adding in your head, it could even be none, but you’re adding \na story and a movement. There’s something bigger behind those words, they can’t stand on their own.\n\nAnd if you see a picture? 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I asked the AI because these theories are not what’s important here. Since we were already talking, I also asked it how they treat guilt — which is the reason I’m writing this post. It told me that none of the theories concerned with basic/universal emotions insert it in the list, since it’s a heavily culture-loaded one, but it added that for Plutchik it’s a combination of fear and joy. When I asked it to provide the source, it recognized it should have been careful with saying that because it’s not sure it really comes from Plutchik himself. Was Claude… feeling guilty? I didn’t investigate, I went to download the article instead. But at this point I was deep in a rabbit hole of vague yet intriguing statements. And I let go of any resemblance of accuracy, because I mean: how cool is it to imagine guilt as a mix of fear and joy? As with anything unpleasant (all things we call “bad” when we’re not yet emotionally literate) there are hidden spots of pure perverse pleasure. 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Since we were already talking, I also asked it how they treat guilt — which is the reason I’m writing this post.\n\nIt told me that none of the theories concerned \nwith basic/universal emotions insert it in the list, since it’s a heavily culture-loaded one, but it added that \nfor Plutchik it’s a combination of fear and joy. \nWhen I asked it to provide the source, it recognized it should have been careful with saying that because it’s not sure it really comes from Plutchik himself. \nWas Claude… feeling guilty? I didn’t investigate, I went \nto download the article instead.\n\nBut at this point I was deep in a rabbit hole of vague yet intriguing statements. And I let go of any resemblance \nof accuracy, because I mean: how cool is it to imagine guilt as a mix of fear and joy?\n\nAs with anything unpleasant (all things we call “bad” when we’re not yet emotionally literate) there are hidden spots of pure perverse pleasure. I don’t have \nto trust Claude to know that. 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linguistics manual I held in my hands an hour in total said that sentences are the smallest meaningful elements of a language, not words. Even one word, if expressed linguistically (with the intent of communicating) is at the core a sentence. “Go!” is “I want you to go”. Some time after reading this — and with no apparent connection to it — I wondered: “What comes first, a photo or a video?”. It was clear to me that, actually, there was a connection. The word (just like the photo) is a casual extraction of the sentence (the video). The latter belongs to reality, where nothing doesn’t move. We can shed some light on reality and capture its temporary and still form, but there will be as much said (the word) as assumed (the rest of the implied sentence). Think about these one-word utterances: ”Joke” ”Sure” ”Island” ”Shit” It doesn’t matter how many words you’re adding in your head, it could even be none, but you’re adding a story and a movement. There’s something bigger behind those words, they can’t stand on their own. And if you see a picture? (And that’s precisely why I don’t like it when people are posing) You assume the people portrayed, even objects, were existing in a moving form and were captured “stopping”. It’s kind of cool, isn’t it? If I say “here”, do you imagine it’s me inviting you to join me where I am, or me telling you I’m firm on my (physical) position, or me pointing to where you hurt me? What story we add to simple statements is basically asking how do still things move in our head. Dopamine, one of my closest friends and archest enemies, is “the molecule of more” (this is how Lieberman and Long titled their book). More is what we often associate to it. But dopamine is also the molecule of elsewhere. Analogies are made with its help, because they need us to see what’s not there. Dopamine creates a movement. What’s present only matters insofar as it alludes to something not present or not ours that we’ll find or get. On top of these reflections, that at this point are piling up one on top of the other, I start thinking that we shouldn’t say that someone who took drugs is “high”, because it would be more accurate to say they are someplace else. Being intoxicated simply moves you from where you are to another place you didn’t know until that moment. And at this point it’s clear to me that despite how interesting these free associations are, and how something more linear might even come out of them, they are the product of a struggle.","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":5971.0,"y":2245.0,"width":388.0,"height":1194.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":5971.0,"y":2245.0,"width":388.0,"height":1194.0},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,406.0],[0.0,1.0,2145.0]],"size":{"x":388.0,"y":1194.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"visible":false,"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":31.0,"sizeFraction":1.0},"top":{"pixelOffset":2145.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"This linguistics manual I held in my hands an hour \nin total said that sentences are the smallest meaningful elements of a language, not words. Even one word, \nif expressed linguistically (with the intent of communicating) is at the core a sentence. “Go!” is \n“I want you to go”. \n\nSome time after reading this — and with no apparent connection to it — I wondered: “What comes first, \na photo or a video?”. It was clear to me that, actually, there was a connection. The word (just like the photo) \nis a casual extraction of the sentence (the video). \nThe latter belongs to reality, where nothing doesn’t move. We can shed some light on reality and capture its temporary and still form, but there will be as much said (the word) as assumed (the rest of the implied sentence).\n\nThink about these one-word utterances:\n”Joke”\n”Sure”\n”Island”\n”Shit”\n\nIt doesn’t matter how many words you’re adding in your head, it could even be none, but you’re adding a story and a movement. There’s something bigger behind those words, they can’t stand on their own.\n\nAnd if you see a picture? (And that’s precisely why \nI don’t like it when people are posing) You assume \nthe people portrayed, even objects, were existing \nin a moving form and were captured “stopping”.\n\nIt’s kind of cool, isn’t it? If I say “here”, do you imagine it’s me inviting you to join me where I am, or me telling you I’m firm on my (physical) position, or me pointing \nto where you hurt me? What story we add to simple statements is basically asking how do still things move in our head.\n\nDopamine, one of my closest friends and archest enemies, is “the molecule of more” (this is how Lieberman and Long titled their book). More is what we often associate to it. But dopamine is also the molecule of elsewhere. Analogies are made with its help, because they need us to see what’s not there. Dopamine creates a movement. What’s present only matters insofar as it alludes to something not present or not ours that we’ll find or get.\n\nOn top of these reflections, that at this point are piling up one on top of the other, I start thinking that we shouldn’t say that someone who took drugs is “high”, because it would be more accurate to say they are someplace else. Being intoxicated simply moves you from where you are to another place you didn’t know until that moment. And at this point it’s clear to me that despite how interesting these free associations are, and how something more linear might even come out of them, they are the product of a struggle. 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I had watched the movie when I was a kid, and after scrolling through other, more tempting titles, I decided this was appropriate for the moment. Before you report me to the authorities, let me say it’s just because of the mood of the book. I was surprised to notice how different I felt towards the movie, so after reading a bit I googled the 1997 film and noticed that the actress was seventeen at the time, not twelve like in the written version. It’s quite the statement to make a movie about a man who abuses a child by choosing a girl who’s about to enter adulthood, who wears lipstick and looks like a woman — admittedly, still a minor, but very different from a preadolescent child. In Kubrick’s version the girl sucks a lollipop and wears heart sunglasses in the cover. I find both very interesting choices. It’s no mystery movies do this, and you have not really lived if you haven’t heard someone tell you at least once how “the book is actually better”. If you haven’t, you’re probably the one who tells others. Stop. Movies and books are quite different means of artistic expression, and whoever tries to simplify the matter probably just likes to be part of a team — or is someone who has certainties, ew. I was asked years ago what form of art is my favorite one and I’m still trying to find the right answer. How am I supposed to choose between literature, cinema and music? I need them at very different times and in very different ways, but my life would be equally empty without either one. What I can choose is something for each moment: in Lolita, I can place myself inside that “I” and feel empathy, disgust, discomfort. Reading a book lets my imagination project and receive, and I’m suddenly part of those pages. It’s a meditation, to sit in silence with a book in your hands, read one word after the other. You are so much in you that ‘you’ drifts away and leaves space for the everything. Written psilocybine. If we expect the same from movies, the most overstimulating form of art, we are clearly misguided. A movie tells you what, who, how, when, why. Within those confines there’s still so much to interpret and imagine, especially if you’re into movies that are not plot driven, but the experience is supported by senses. And you don’t get much agency over those. 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are: Eight, basic, for Plutchik Defined through valence and arousal for Russell Six, shared universally, for Ekman And these are just three theories of the ones Claude gave me when I prompt it to summarize them. I asked the AI because these theories are not what’s important here. Since we were already talking, I also asked it how they treat guilt — which is the reason I’m writing this post. It told me that none of the theories concerned with basic/universal emotions insert it in the list, since it’s a heavily culture-loaded one, but it added that for Plutchik it’s a combination of fear and joy. When I asked it to provide the source, it recognized it should have been careful with saying that because it’s not sure it really comes from Plutchik himself. Was Claude… feeling guilty? I didn’t investigate, I went to download the article instead. But at this point I was deep in a rabbit hole of vague yet intriguing statements. And I let go of any resemblance of accuracy, because I mean: how cool is it to imagine guilt as a mix of fear and joy? As with anything unpleasant (all things we call “bad” when we’re not yet emotionally literate) there are hidden spots of pure perverse pleasure. I don’t have to trust Claude to know that. If we get so attached to guilt that it becomes our default reaction, there must be a good reason. Right? I hear you say: “Well, people make me feel guilty. It’s not me, it’s them who recriminate me.”, but deep down you know as much as I do that people don’t have that much power. Guilt is a price we pay for having done something we wanted to do. We punish ourselves, so we pay no other price. There’s the joy! I get to do the thing, and I make sure everyone knows I feel bad about it. “I’m not usually like this”, “I don’t know why I acted this way”, “That was so stupid of me, I feel so bad”.","absoluteBoundingBox":{"x":4380.0,"y":4798.0,"width":158.0,"height":746.0},"isolatedAbsoluteRenderBounds":{"x":4380.0,"y":4798.0,"width":158.0,"height":746.0},"relativeTransform":[[1.0,0.0,31.0],[0.0,1.0,4698.0]],"size":{"x":158.0,"y":746.0},"fills":[{"blendMode":"NORMAL","type":"SOLID","color":{"r":0.219607844948769,"g":0.219607844948769,"b":0.219607844948769,"a":1.0},"visible":true,"opacity":1.0}],"visible":false,"constraintValues":{"left":{"pixelOffset":-1.0,"sizeFraction":0.125},"top":{"pixelOffset":4698.0,"sizeFraction":0.0}},"strokeAlign":"OUTSIDE","strokes":[],"accessibleHTMLTag":"AUTO","isDecorativeImage":false,"ariaAttributes":{},"interactions":[],"characterStyleOverrides":[],"characters":"Emotions are:\nEight, basic, for Plutchik\nDefined through valence \n      and arousal for Russell\nSix, shared universally, for Ekman\n\nAnd these are just three theories \nof the ones Claude gave me when \nI prompt it to summarize them. \nI asked the AI because these theories are not what’s important here. \nSince we were already talking, I also asked it how they treat guilt — which is the reason I’m writing this post.\n\nIt told me that none of the theories concerned with basic/universal emotions insert it in the list, since \nit’s a heavily culture-loaded one, \nbut it added that for Plutchik it’s \na combination of fear and joy. When I asked it to provide the source, it recognized it should have been careful with saying that because it’s not sure it really comes from Plutchik himself. Was Claude… feeling guilty? \nI didn’t investigate, I went to download the article instead.\n\nBut at this point I was deep in a rabbit hole of vague yet intriguing statements. And I let go of any resemblance of accuracy, because \nI mean: how cool is it to imagine guilt \nas a mix of fear and joy?\n\nAs with anything unpleasant (all things we call “bad” when we’re not yet emotionally literate) there are hidden spots of pure perverse pleasure. I don’t have to trust Claude to know that. If we get so attached \nto guilt that it becomes our default reaction, there must be a good reason. Right?\n\nI hear you say: “Well, people make me feel guilty. It’s not me, it’s them who recriminate me.”, but deep down you know as much as I do that people don’t have that much power.\n\nGuilt is a price we pay for having done something we wanted to do. \nWe punish ourselves, so we pay no other price. \nThere’s the joy! I get to do the thing, and I make sure everyone knows I feel bad about it. “I’m not usually like this”, “I don’t know why I acted this way”, “That was so stupid of me, I feel \nso 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